A broken soul with one sentence

6. Mind break

'What...?'

I continue to read till there is no more.

'Why....'

I ask Yuki about it hoping for it to be a lie, tho I know deep down that it wasn't. My heart couldn't take it. I wanted to cry. But I was in a car, with my Mom that knows nothing about my virtual life.

I hold my tears, my breath, shaking slightly. My heart hurts.

Yuki explains the situation and all, saying his ex was secretly pregnant and had the baby. Him finding out about it as his ex pushed the child on him, making him take care of it. I fight to hold my tears away. I can barely think.

'How...why....'

My heart beated fast, hurting.

'I'm soon home, hold on. Soon home, soon home.'

Driving the last 10 minutes was terrible. Parking at our house, heart hurting. Going to the door, tears threatening to fall. Going inside, my Mom behind me. Taking of my shoes and jacket, I break. Tears falling down, I hide my face from my Mom as I hurry to my room. Lucky she didn't notice. I fall on my bed crying my eyes out, being as quiet as possible. I look at my phone, continuing to text Yuki.

Me: What are you gonna do??

Yuki: Take care of her.

Me: Yea I figured...........btw I'm crying atm.

Yuki: Why?

Me: Idk.....I just feel sad about all this.

'I'm lying, I know why I'm sad.'

Yuki: You don't know?

Me: Yea...maybe cuz well ur ex breaks up with u, then forces a child on u...

I continue to lie slightly and cry, my heart hurting so much.

Yuki: Well it's ok, my family helps me and I love my child.

'Aren't you angry, sad, frustrated....? You're just ok?!'

Me: Well and I'm sad cuz I'm not ready to be a mother.

'Far from ready, I'm afraid to grow up. I want to be a child for as long as I can.'

Yuki: We can pretend that I'm not a father.

Me: No I can't, I can't pretend that u aren't something u actually are. U aren't u if we have to pretend.

'One truth in all lies. I can't pretend the baby doesn't exist.'

Yuki: Yeah that's true.

I continue to text Yuki, still crying and trying to proceed the situation.

'Should I try to prepare to be a mother? But....it hurts....'

After crying I don't know for how long, I just sit empty no feelings or emotions. My heart is a black hole.

My thoughts wander from one to the next to the next. After many thoughts pass my mind, one stand out the most.

'I rather commit suicide then breaking up with Yuki.'

Some day later I start to try my best at accepting Yuki being a father, readying myself for what may come in the future. I was scared. I felt so left out and alone. If I couldn't accept this, what would Yuki think?