A broken soul with one sentence

3. Clam down a little

A week or so after I got a boyfriend I invited over Jenna one of my best friends. She and I talk for hours about anime and manga. The time never seems to get right for me to tell her about my boyfriend. But I build up my courage and tell her. As I tell Jenna I got a boyfriend I feel my heart flutter, probably because it's the first time I talk about him to someone in real life. Jenna smiles and congratulat me but isn't overly excited. At that moment she was really into a specific anime/manga, and couldn't concentrate on anything else for long. So I was happy. We continue to talk about random anime things and watches some episodes.

After another week of lovey-dovey moments With Yuki, I ask my other best friend Ada to come over to me and she does. We have a lot to talk about, because we hadn't met in a long time. So after some time I get nervous and Ada sees it. It is in that moment I just blush and hide my face, saying that I got a boyfriend. She look surprised and ask things like: "what? Since then? Are you serious?" Then I get showered with questions. "What is his name? How old is he? How does he look? How did you meet? What do you talk about? Do you know much about each other?" And then some really embarrassing questions. In all this I say "clam down a little will you, is this how my Mom will react then I tell her?..."

After hiding my face under a hat and answering a few more questions we start to talk about a lot of other things. At the time she is prepering to go home we have talked about almost everything that have happened since we last spoke.

Some days later I feel happy enough to go to school. And I even enjoy it a little, but having to put a happy mask on all the time is energy draining. After school I'm so tired I fall asleep on the sofa, just awhile after coming home. And I get abruptly waked by my mom half an hour later, getting pretty pissed. The rest of the day I am really moody and goes to school some day more, but after that I am totally out of energy and not in mental state to be able to deal with another day in school for a time.

Staying in contact with friends is hard for me and they almost always contact me first, I get frustrated sometimes because I can't remember or have the energy to hang out with some friends. Literally getting angry at myself, yelling at myself, telling myself to do better next time. And then my Mom tell me to do this or that, making me even more angry and frustrated.

Then even though I don't go to school, I still manage to meet a friend at least once every week but at most twice. Texting in the chats also keeps me social and indirectly talking to people.