A broken soul with one sentence

11. Done with secrets

I tell Onii that I will talk to Yuki right now, and then tell him how it went afterwards.

Then I ask Yuki if he can chat right now, and he says yes. I start to get nervous and my heart is pounding.

Yuki: Well what do you want to walk about?

Me: Well I think we need a serious talk about everything.

Yuki: Ok.

Me: I think we have been kinda distant, and maybe it's an misunderstanding.

Yuki: We haven't talked much since school started.

Me: Yea I know.

Yuki: So on to what you wanted to say?

Me: Yea, have u ever thought about us having a break?

Yuki: Well, not a willing one but we have been distant.

Me: Yea.

Yuki: Which seems like a break, and I don't like it. It's Lines fault right? You aren't getting the notifications? You aren't purposely trying to distance yourself?

Me: No it isn't on purpose, and now it has gotten better with the notifications. I just thought that maybe u misunderstood then I said I needed time, but I meant to think not to put on distance.

Yuki: Good.

Me: And so.... Since we got together it has happened a lot. Mostly on your side I think.

Yuki: Yea....

Me: And I think we need to talk about that, and our feeling around it.

Yuki: I'm not good at talking about feelings.... But I'll try.

Me: Thanks.

Yuki: Soo erm...

Me: Um so, anything coming to mind?

Yuki: You first?

Me: Oki. Um well as I see it there is at least two things I need to say. And that is that I may not have expressed myself honestly about your baby and then you told me about it, and that is cuz I didn't want to hurt you.

Yuki: Jun, it's a package deal. I love you.

I just burst out crying at his next sentence.

Yuki: But if you can't handle loving me and my daughter then I don't know if you can actually love me.

Me: Then I'll say it, I don't know if I can love your daughter.

Yuki: Then I'm sorry. She is my daughter and she's here to stay.

Me: Yes, and I don't know if I ever can even if I want to.

Yuki: I'm sorry...

Me: it's not your fault.

Yuki: It is.

Me: How?

Yuki: I got my ex pregnant, and she wasn't the right one. Now I have a daughter who I love with every fiber of my being.

Me: Yes I know.

Yuki: I don't regret my daughter, but I regret the time and who her mother is.

Me: ....Yes.

Yuki: I know I've said it twice now, but I love you Jun.

Me: I love you too Yuki.

Yuki: But if you can't love both me and my daughter, then we can't be together. I'm sorry.

Me: I'm sorry too. I'm afraid of growing up, and I'm not ready to become a parent or anything like that.

Yuki: I wasn't exactly ready to become one either, kinda just got stuck as one.

Me: I know.....

I had been cry all this time but now it had clamed down to sniffles.

Yuki: Ugh....

Me: Um yea....

Yuki: You......should......go to bed.....it's late.

Me: I can't sleep.

Yuki: Me neither, but I don't feel like talking to anyone except my pillow atm.

Me: We can still be friends.

Yuki: Yea, I don't want to loose you. And I do love you with all my heart.

Me: Me too, I'm sorry for hurting you.

Yuki: It's not your fault.

Me: But it is my words. ......Is there anything u want to say as a last thing for now?

Yuki: Just that I'm sorry.

Me: I'm sorry too.