The Sweetest Feeling

Chapter Two

I live in a council estate with my Nan off Amwell St. We have a three bedroom, ground floor maisonette, with a front facing garden that is overflowing with greenery and flowers. It isn't much, but its home. My Nan raised me by herself it has always been just the two of us. When I unlock the door I am hit with the familiar smell of her baking. She used to own a successful catering company but sold it a few years ago to help take care of me when I was in a bit of a bad way. She brought me back to the land of the living as she calls it and I owe her so much. Now she bakes in her spare time and has left me a tray of cupcakes with a note beside them.

Sweetheart,
I have gone to your uncles. Call me if you need anything, don't forget to eat. Love you Nanny Xxx

She always leaves me a note letting me know where she has gone because she doesn't like technology. I text her all the time but she will not use the phone. Every weekend she goes away, either to my Uncle Dermot's in Milton Keynes or to different seaside towns with Mavis from next door. I'm just glad she is off enjoying herself. After doing all the housework I escape up to my room. It's my sanctuary, a place I can write music or get lost in a Jane Austen novel- she is my guilty pleasure- sometimes it's just the perfect place to be alone. I'm a private person so I don't let people in here, well I have only let one person share this space with me but I try not to think of him anymore. I put my Mr. Shuffle in his dock and hit a random playlist before kicking off my shoes and flopping down on my huge, comfortable bed. Staring up at the ceiling I become so lost in the music that I don't realise my mobile is ringing. I have two missed calls from Maxwell. I should ring him back before he gets annoyed; he is used to getting his own way. "Emily." He always says my name like we are about to discuss business, I suppose it's the solicitor in him. "Hi Max". I can picture him rolling his eyes, he hates when I shorten his name. "Thank you for staying last night even if you did sneak out at 5:30 this morning. It was lovely to come home to you darling" he says. "That's ok babe and I didn't sneak out I had to leave for work"
"Now I know you have plans with the girls for your birthday but my parents are eager to meet you so they're taking us to lunch at 'The Berkley'. Sorry I have to go darling but I will see you tomorrow, don't forget to tell the girls the change of plan. Kisses" he says and hangs up.

I don't want to meet his parents or go to 'The Berkley'. I don't belong in posh places like that, his parents will not approve of me I know that for sure. For starters I am eight years younger than Maxwell, he is thirty and I am just turning twenty-two but also I have long bright purple hair and a tendency to swear; I am common and live in a council estate. They are upper class, wealthy and live in a beautiful mansion. I don't fit into that world. My thoughts of Maxwell and his parents are interrupted by the song now playing on Mr. Shuffle. 'Your love is lifting me higher' by Jackie Wilson instantly it takes me back. I see his gorgeous face smiling up at me, I hear the strum of the guitar and that familiar smell of sweat and stale booze fills my nostrils. I mustn't go there, quickly I push the memory from my mind.

Friday is girl's night. It's been that way for as long as I can remember, come rain or shine we always get together. Tonight we have to help Evie pack as she is moving in with her boyfriend Toby on Sunday. At the moment she only lives about ten minutes from me, in a studio above a shop in Exmouth Market. It's pokey but it suits her, the kitchen is tiny and you couldn't swing a cat in the bathroom but she keeps everything spotless- she is military style organised and a little OCD. I ring the bell and hear her heels clipping down the hall. When she opens the door a huge grin spreads across my face. Flawless as ever in a crisp white shirt, grey pencil skirt and matching grey heels. Her make-up is minimal but effective and her straight razor sharp blonde hair sits neatly on her shoulders. She is professional and stunning with a peaches and cream complexion which often makes people underestimate her. Our Evie is a little powerhouse though she has already had two promotions and earns more money than Ali and I put together. "Toots, get in here please and slap Ali, she is already making a mess in my kitchen" she pouts. I kiss her cheek "you look beautiful as always sugar". In the kitchen I find Ali amongst a heap of ingredients. "Hi sweet cheeks" she calls without turning round. "Ali bear, what are you doing?" I ask. "Making cocktails" she announces. Shaking my head I go over to help tidy up as she goes along, to keep Evie from having a panic attack.
We manage to pack up Evie's belongings while eating take-away pizza and drinking Ali's lethal cocktails. Our favourite film 'Grease 2' is in the DVD player, we know it word for word from start to finish and sing along to every song; you can't beat quality time like this. "I need to sit down" Evie says collapsing on the couch, I lay down on the floor and she chucks me a cushion. Ali stumbles over to Evie's bed, climbing in and starting to snore lightly. It's what she does when she has had too much to drink, finds a place to curl up and sleep.
"So how does it feel knowing this is your last weekend in this place?"
"It's strange but I am so excited to be moving in with Toby" she says all starry eyed.
They met about two years ago at a work conference, he asked her to dinner and the rest as they say is history. "What's the plan for Monday?" She asks. This is the conversation I've been dreading all night. "Evie, I'm sorry I have to work. I can't get out of it but I will be finished about five and then you girls can come round for dinner" I say. She looks disappointed. "You know birthdays are not my thing plus I have another problem. Max wants me to meet his parents they want to take us to some fancy place for lunch. It pisses me off that he just expects me to change my plans" I say steering the conversation to Max although by the look on her face I wish I hadn't. "Toots, be honest with me, do you love him?"
To be honest I've never said I love you to anyone, I can't even say it to my Nan or the girls so how am I meant to say it to my boyfriend? I'm closed off when it comes to expressing my feelings, I don't like talking I prefer to bottle things up and ignore them. I even have issues with people hugging me, I'm just weird. It's been six months since I started seeing Max so surely I should be feeling something but as he has decided we should take the relationship to the next level, it's clear to me that I don't want to. In fact I don't think I will.

"I should. I mean look at him he is every girls wet dream. Gorgeous, rich, good in bed; but no I don't love him and I don't want to meet his parents. Come to think of it I should just end it, the sooner the better".
"Wow, I knew you didn't love him, but I didn't realise you wanted to end things" she says. "Deep down I've known for a while. He's been dropping hints about me changing the way I dress and getting rid of my purple hair. Which will never happen, I won't let him groom me. So when you think about it, it's just a waste of time" I say finishing my drink. "Come on let's brush our teeth and then bed, looks like tomorrow will be a busy day" she says squeezing my hand.