The Sweetest Feeling

Chapter Ten

We collapse next to each other, trying to catch our breath. He pulls me close, so my head is on his chest and my leg is resting over his. I've never felt so comfortable being naked. "That was, what was that? I don't even have any words" he says. "Epic" I reply. He leans up on his elbow so he is looking down at me. "You blow my mind". He smiles at me and it's the most beautiful sight. "There is something special between us, I know you feel it. Whenever I see you there is this electricity in the air" he says kissing me again. "We should get some sleep, we have work tomorrow" I say pulling away. "Emily, how do you expect me to sleep with you naked next to me?"
"I better put some clothes on then" I tease. "Don't you dare, I think it's time for round two".

Safe to say we don't get much sleep. I wake up feeling happy not confused like I thought I would be. When Nathan comes into work later I feel shy but he walks past me and touches my hand, instantly putting me at ease. He keeps dragging me into the stockroom and kissing me. It's heaven. I phone Otis on my lunch break and tell him we should just be friends. He's really sweet, apologising for treating me so rubbish. I feel bad for cheating on him but I have a sneaky suspicion he has been cheating on me from the start of our relationship so I'm not that bothered. I don't know what is going to happen between Nathan and I, but after last night I can't ignore it anymore.

I haven't told him I am spending Christmas alone yet. I haven't really had a chance to talk to him about what happened. He is off work now till after Christmas, so I haven't seen him since Tuesday. Work has been so busy that by the time I get home I've been too tired to call. I'm finally on my way home, it's Christmas Eve and I have the next three days to shut myself away from the world. I got two bottles of wine from the off licence, a twenty pack of benson&hedges silver- I only smoke when I drink or I am stressed- and my favourite christmas film is waiting for me. I finish a whole bottle and get through half the cigarettes before those dark feelings take over me. I shut my bedroom door and hide under the duvet. I fall asleep soaked in my tears.

The next morning I get up just in time to go to church. I slip in the back and keep to myself, the service is a bit long winded but I am glad I went. It's a great place to be, you're in a room full of people but perfectly alone. I phone Nan to wish her Merry Christmas and notice some texts on my phone. It's all the usual cheeriness so I ignore them all. I grab my other bottle of wine and my cigarettes and go back to bed. The tears continue to flow well into the evening. Nathan calls me twice but I can't talk to him like this. At some point I hear the doorbell ring. I bet Nan told Mavis to check on me, I better answer the door or she won't go away. I'm wearing my pyjamas, my eyes are puffy and my hair is in a scruffy bun, I open the door but it isn't Mavis, Nathan is there looking worried. "Emily, are you ok?"
"Yes I'm fine, what are you doing here?" I ask letting him in. He is carrying an extremely large box. "You didn't tell me you were spending Christmas alone. I was worried when you didn't answer the phone and then the house phone was clearly off the hook so I phoned your Nan, she told me". I'm glad he is here, how can I not be? He makes my day so much brighter. "I am glad you're here" I say putting my arms around him. "Thank you for my presents by the way I loved them" he says. "It wasn't much" I say. We are sitting in the living room just staring at each other. "What's in the box?" I ask. "Your present" he says. We open it together I can't believe it, a brand new guitar. I can't help but break down and cry. He holds me until I am ready to talk. "This is the most amazing gift anyone has ever given me, thank you. I hate Christmas for reasons I don't want to talk about but you just made me happy" I say. He smiles and kisses me. "I broke up with Otis" I say. "Does this mean you are willing to give us a chance?"
"Yes, but Nathan I'm terrified" I admit. "Emily, you have nothing to worry about".

We spend the next three days in bed; completely wrapped up in each other. We agreed to take things slow and just see what happens. He had to rush off to Portsmouth, his Grandad was ill and they told them to come, and say their goodbyes. Sadly he passed away the day after they got there. I didn't get to see him over New Year he had to stay till the funeral and by the time he got back I had started working in the new branch at the Angel so we no longer get to see each other every day. I like the new shop though Jeff and I are having a blast. Nathan has been round for dinner and we have spent a few nights together but I've been working late in the recording studio with Johnny the last few weeks, so we haven't spent as much time together as we would have liked. I don't think this is how he pictured things but it will get better once I get this week out the way, you see it's Valentine's Day on Thursday and I am performing at P.I.N.K this trendy nightclub in Shoreditch with Johnny, it's the first time people will hear the song. The girls are coming with Jeff and Kelly- who are engaged now. I'm over the moon for them- and a few people from work. I can't wait.

I still haven't found anything to wear; I've left it proper last minute. It's Wednesday morning and I am starting to panic. I am on my way to Camden it's the perfect place to find the kind of dress I am looking for. I don't have a particular style when it comes to clothes my wardrobe is a bit of a mash-up. I shop at many different places, H&M, Primark and Topshop are my go to high street stores but I also like the markets and independent clothing shops like the one I am in now. One of the things I always do is try to match my clothes to my mood. I could spend hours trying on different outfits I am like a kid in a candy shop when it comes to clothes. I want to look sexy and sophisticated tomorrow night so I've come to my favourite vintage shop. It doesn't even have a name, that's how cool it is. I case the rails for what seems like hours, I'm about to give up when I spot it. The perfect dress! Deep red, tight fitted, short sleeves with a scoop neck; it's simple but elegant. Plus I have these red suede platform heels that would look fantastic with it. This is just the start for me, big things are about to happen I can just feel it.