As I look out of my hotel window at the stunning view of the Atlantic and the rugged Connemara landscape, I am momentarily mesmerised. I felt an ache and a pull in my chest the moment I landed. I've never told anyone before but I have read all about my hometown over the years, curiosity has always got the better of me. Being here now still doesn't seem real. I've dreamt of this many times and I can feel a strong connection to this beautiful place. It's a family run hotel that I am staying in and they seem really attentive of their guests. In fact they seem overly interested in me and why I am visiting once I give them my name. A young man about my age is showing me up to my room and has insisted on carrying my bags. "First time visiting, Miss?"
'You could say that' I say. "Well welcome, I'm sure you're going to enjoy what Connemara has to offer" he smiles as he opens my door. "Thank you, for your help I can manage from here" I say taking my bags. "Oh, do you know how far it is to this address?" I ask fishing in my bag and handing him a piece of paper. "Sure it's just on the edge of town, it's a small farm. Do you have family there?"
"Just some unfinished business" I reply
I am only here for four days, I know I came with a purpose but I just want to explore for the rest of today. I've kept my promise and left Nathan a message, letting him know I am safe and settled. I pick up my rucksack, close the door behind me and head out. It's like I stepped inside one of the many books I have read, the village is quaint and pretty, I can picture exactly what it would be like to grow up here. After exploring for a while I stop to grab something to eat, tucking into the local cuisine. It's been a long day and I can hear the hotel bed calling my name, I should try and get some rest, I have a busy day tomorrow. When I get back to the hotel the young man from earlier is standing behind his desk. "Good evening Miss, is there anything I can get you?"
"That address I showed you earlier, could I walk to it?"
"Of course Miss, it's a straight road out of town, about 30 minutes. Is there anything else I can get you?"
"No, thank you goodnight"
"Goodnight, Miss"
I just get out of the shower when Nathan calls. "Hey Charms, are you ok?"
"Yeah I'm fine, how was work?"
"It was fine, tell me, what you've been up to"
"Nothing much just been exploring the village a bit but I've been getting some funny looks from people since I arrived. I think they know who I am" I say. "What you mean from your TV appearances?"
"No, Delaney is my father's name and the line ends with me, I think they know what happened to me. This is a small town"
"Try not to think about it, Emily. So are you ready to talk about what you read in that journal? What made you need to pack your bag and leave so suddenly?"
"It was a shock to realise how much she kept from me over the years but there was one piece of information that made me so angry, I wasn't sure how to process it. Coming here seemed like the only option I had"
"So, what was it Emily? Please you promised you would tell me everything" he gently prompts "My mum isn't dead"
"I'm sorry; I thought you just said your mum isn't dead?"
"I did say that, my mum is alive; she is in an institution"
"Emily, I don't know what to say. Why would your Nan lie to you all these years?"
"To protect me I guess, but it still makes me angry. There are a few other things in there but can I tell you more tomorrow?" I ask slipping into bed. "Of course, try and get some sleep. I miss you so much Charms and I love you"
"I miss you more and I love you always, Night Curly"
My dreams are becoming more vivid, I am remembering things that have been locked away, deep in my subconscious. Like my dad passed out on the sofa and my mum crying or hiding under my bed when I would hear him come home from work. I remember feeling hungry all the time and being dirty, I was left to my own devices during the day and I used to wait for my mum to pass out then go and sit in the field. An image comes to mind of a young boy who would sit with me sometimes and bring me small parcels of food but I just always thought I imagined him, a small child's way of coping I guess. It's almost as though since I came back here my mind has opened that box full of my childhood memories, I just have to figure out how to deal with them.
YOU ARE READING
The Sweetest Feeling
Romance"You look good, I've missed your face" he says. "I've missed you too" I say daring to look up at him. He is staring right at me. He touches my hand and a spark surges through me, by the look on his face I know he felt it too. It's a tight space an...
