My Best Friend Jimmy

"Whether you know it or not, you saved me."

The whole while, he was holding me up in his arms. We parted lips and smiles were planted across our faces. I saw his eyes darting around my face because he was about to say something. I found myself doing the same.

We both took a deep breath in and exhaled those three words. "I love you."

He smiled the biggest smile and I could start to see tears forming in his eyes. We lingered for little bit and, since I was still in his arms, he lightly set me down and pulled me into the warmest and safest hug. 

He gazed into my eyes and breathed, "I've loved you for so long." He paused to wipe a tear with the palm of his hand from the side of his face. He began again although his voice was still shaky from being emotional.

"Even since that day you walked into my office with your hair thrown up in that messy bun, your old Scar Face t-shirt, and your boat shoes with your jeans rolled to just above you ankles. You looked so beautiful. You weren't even trying. Every day from then on, I saw you and looked at you, but I couldn't touch you. I wanted you so badly. I knew I had these feelings, but I just had to push them further and further down because of Nancy. Every time I saw you with Eddy, it was like seeing some one stealing what was rightfully mine, even though I didn't even know I wanted you to be mine. It was unlike anything I've ever known could be felt by anyone. When you were gone for those 5 months working on  that movie and I was here doing update with Tina, I looked for you in the crowd of the camera men. Every. Single. Time. You made me crack every time I was ever on camera and when you were gone, it was like part of me was gone. These past three days have been the best days because I was lucky enough to get to spend it with a person like you. How I got that lucky will forever leave me wondering. I love you, Jess Stein. I always have. I always will. And I want to be with you until the day I die. Because let's face it, you're stuck with me now." 

He scrunched up and giggled as I lightly smacked him on the arm. I took a step in closer to him and took both of his hands in mine and pulled him in so we were touching. I had already been crying, but this was about to get heavy. I just let it all flow out.

"When I was laying there on that tile floor in my bathroom wondering if I was going to make it out alive and just hoping that he would finally get bored with beating me and leave, I swore, before I went unconscious, your face flashed in front of me for the quickest second. I saw you in your seat at weekend update." I looked up at him and he was actually sobbing now. Quietly, but he still was. I squeezed his hands tighter and continued on.

"When I saw you there, I felt warm. I didn't feel pain. I didn't feel scared. I felt happy and goofy. Like how you feel when its 4 in the morning and you're in the writer's room and you're so deprived of sleep that everything is funny. And when Sanz eats shit when he goes to sit down on a chair and you just laugh so hard you actually may piss yourself. You can't breathe. But its the good kind of not being able to breathe. That's how you make me feel, Jimmy. I almost died that night. But you were there. You weren't actually there, but you were with me. And whether you know it or not, you saved me. I love you."

Now as you could probably imagine at this point, we were both in tears just sobbing into one another. The only reason we were able to stand was because we were both leaning on each other. We held one another and I could feel his chest convulse arrhythmically from crying so hard. After what seemed to be an endless amount of time in that position, I picked my head up from his chest and got my crying under control. Still shakey, I said, "Come on, lover." This made him laugh because he remembered it was from a sketch that Ferrell made him crack up in. He let out a small exhale as a laugh.

"Let's go home. Carlie is just downstairs. But before we go, I want to talk to you about Seth Meyers."

He wiped a few tears from his face and sniffled, "Yeah. Lorne told me there was something with him."