My Best Friend Jimmy

Spill It

We watched those fireworks for what seemed to be an endless time. Everyone stopped what they were doing and just watched the fireworks pop and then fall into the pond. It was beautiful. The rage that seemed as though would never die, ceased fire and everyone just grew quiet and watched in awe. It was about 2 in the morning now and I thought I wouldn't be able to stay up for another minute. I looked up at Jimmy and said, "Hey, I'm exhausted. I think I'm going to head in."

"Oh really? I thought you'd be good for a bit longer. All those late nights at SNL and I thought you'd be a champ at staying up!" He squeezed his arm around me and then said, "I'll be right behind you."

I turned back to the tent and started walking. I got tot he tent and stepped inside and stood there and just thought for a little bit. Is this what I want? Am I putting my friendship and relationship with Jimmy in jeopardy? I came to the conclusion that this was the thing that was supposed to be happening based on the mere fact that it was happening. I threw my long brown up in a bun and slipped my nikes off. I took my pants of and exchanged them for some dry shorts. I grabbed a shirt out of my bag and took my sweatshirt off and was taking my other t-shirt off when I heard the tent unzipping. There wasn't any time to put my other shirt on. I just had a sports bra on so it wasn't like I was naked. Jimmy bent over to get into the tent and stood up and said, "Man, those fireworks really were beautiful." He quick looked me up and down, which I knew he would.

"Yeah they were. They scared the crap out of me though!"

"Well then, I guess it was a good thing that I was here to keep you safe." At this point, he was moving closer and closer.

I faced towards him and said, "Well, I guess it was."

He stopped in his tracks. "What is this?"

"What is what?" 

"This. Where is this coming from? Where has this been the whole time?"

"I was thinking the same thing." I said this as I walked over to him. He took my hands in his and looked me in the eyes, darting from one eye to another.

"I want you to know how right this feels to me. I never felt this with Nancy before, and you know how I felt about her."

"I do."

"Good. Well then I want you to know that I'm aware of everything that's happened tonight. I'm not intoxicated, my emotions aren't running high from what happened tonight. These are my feelings and they're real." He squeezed my hands a few times and smirked at me.

"I want you to know that I feel the same way about everything too. So now I want to tell you what happened with me and Eddy. And just to let you know, if I get through this with dry eyes, its a freaking Forth of July Miracle."

He let out a quiet laugh. "I know, Jess. You know I'm willing to hear whatever you have to say."

We sat down on the air mattress. Jimmy pulled up a blanket and wrapped it around us. He noticed I was shaking, but I think he thought I was shivering from the cold, not from the fear of what I was going to tell him.

I let a slow breath out, and began. Jimmy was poised to hear what I had to say.

"So you obviously know that Eddy beat me." He nodded and rubbed my leg with a concerned look on his face. "It was only once. I was alone in the bedroom while he was taking a shower one night. I had received a message from Verizon that our texting plan was through the roof and they gave me the number that was responsible for it. It was Eddy's. I knew that the only people he texted were me, his mother, a friend here and there, but he didn't have many friends, so it was mostly just me and his mom. So I took his phone off the charger and looked to see what was causing him to text so much. Since he never texted a lot, he had a limited plan and I had unlimited texting. I looked though his phone, and there was a full on conversation to a woman named Maddie. I saw everything. They had been seeing each other for 4 months. I had no idea. They talked about all the stuff they did together, all the trips they were going to take, all the money he spent on her, how he was planning on leaving me once we got our house together so he could get that, even though I paid for it."

I started choking up and took a break. Jimmy pulled me tight and rubbed my shoulder. "Just take a breather. Start again when you're ready." I took a few more seconds and started again. "I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I always thought he was so loyal. He always said how loyal he was to me and how he actually thought I was going to be the one who would go out and find another man. You know me, Jimmy. You know I would never be able to do something like that!" I shoved my head into his chest and sobbed for a while. The whole time, he didn't budge. He just held me. I regained myself and started again. 

"So I was outraged. You know how I get. I was fucking livid. So I ran into the bathroom while he was still in the shower and I just started screaming. I called him a bastard and told him to get out of my apartment right now and that I knew about him and Maddie and their whole life together. I didn't even think he was listening to me so I just screamed at him more and called him more awful names. All of the sudden, the water shut off really fast. I was still screaming. He..." I had to take a breath. "He just stuck his arm out and grabbed his towel. For a few seconds, it was completely silent. I yelled, WELL? Out of fucking no where Jimmy, he shot his arm out of the shower curtain and grabbed me by the neck. He had me good. There was no way I could've gotten out of that. I tried and tried but I just couldn't. He came out of the shower and looked me dead in the eye. He said that if I didn't stop making all this noise, the neighbors were going to hear me and start saying things and no one would ever believe me if I told anyone because I'm always a goof on TV. I choked out fuck you and he threw me up against the wall. I hit the back of my head on the mirror and the mirror cracked and cut my head." I lifted up my hair to show him the scar from the stitches. Jimmy ran his fingers along it and didn't speak. I could tell he was holding in his anger.

I went on. "He then went on to kick me in the ribs and tell me that I was never good enough for him so of course he was going to find someone else. He was just using me for my fame and money. At this point, I had lost so much blood and was hit in the head so many times, I passed out. I woke up in the emergency room. Eddy was no where to be found. I spent a few days there. When I was released, I came home to see that all of his stuff was gone and a note saying that this wasn't the end. That was about a month ago, and I hadn't seen him again except for tonight."

It was quiet. All you could hear were the dozen people that were still up telling stories. I looked over to see Jimmy hanging his head and squeezing his eyes tight. I saw a single tear fall onto his shirt. This, in turn, made me start to cry. Nothing was said. We just knew what to do next. We slid up to our pillows, never leaving our bodies not touching. We played down facing each other and just cried. We cried until we stopped. Jimmy sniffled and managed to speak, "Why didn't you tell me any of this?"

I opened my eyes and couldn't look at him. "Jimmy, I can't even telly you why I didn't tell you because I just don't even know. I should have though. This all never would have happened if I told you."

"No. Stop. Don't say that."

"What do you mean?"

"If you would have told me, I would have taken care of Eddy myself and he wouldn't have come here tonight. If he didn't come here tonight, odds are we wouldn't even be having this conversation right now and we wouldn't be here with each other right now. And this is how I want it. I want to be here with you. I want to go through this with you. I want to help you feel better. I don't want to fix you, because then that would mean that you're broken and that's not true. You're unbreakable. And that's why I want you."