My Best Friend Jimmy

That's my Theory.

I couldn't breathe. My throat was closing and I was becoming faint. I stumbled to the ground and started clawing at my throat for air. Between the gasps for air and seemingly endless tears, I began to see black. I managed to crawl over to an alley and prop myself up against the brick wall to try to calm myself down.

It wasn't especially working, but I was getting somewhere. I was still struggling when I saw a pair of feet placed right in front of me. I looked up to see who it was and it was a girl. A teenaged girl. Maybe around the age of 18? She was looking down at me and I could tell by the look on her face that she knew exactly who I was.

She slowly knelt down to me and put her hand on mine. She looked me sympathetically in the eyes and said, "You're Jess Stein, aren't you?"

I was still gasping and I wasn't able to speak yet. So, I simply nodded my head and tried to give her a smile. She was a fan, after all.

She could tell I was in distress, so she didn't pester me with an autograph or with a picture. Instead, she did something unexpected. She crawled over to my right side and sat down right next to me.

"So what'd he do?" She simply put without even looking at me. How did she know? Her bluntness surprisingly put me at ease and I was finally able to breathe better. "You don't have to answer that now." She said again.

"He-- was with-- another woman." I choked out in between gasps. She hung her head down and covered her face with her hands while she shook her head in disappointment. 

"I'm really sorry to hear that. I have a theory on guys. Want to hear it?" She said in a clear voice.

I actually did want to hear it so I nodded my head yes and wiped my eyes with my sleeve.

She hypothesized, "I believe that men are still at the intelligence level they were back when they were cavemen. I don't think that evolution applies to them. I think that still to this day, they are just as dumb as shit as they were back then. Not even little progression. If anything, I'd say they have regressed through the years." She briefly stopped to laugh to herself which, in turn, made me start to giggle just a little bit. "So yeah. That's my theory and I'm sticking to it. I think it should become a law considering how it is constantly being proven." This made the both of us laugh and the tears that had plagued my eyes were beginning to dry and the pain I was feeling was almost ceasing to exist.

Finally, I was able to breathe normally without any trouble. I think this girl may have just saved my life. "So, I'm assuming that since you know who I am, you must be a fan of the show?" I sniffled a little bit and waited for a response.

She didn't look at me when she answered. She had her eyes fixed on her shoes which were one of the coolest pairs of Nikes I had ever seen. "I would say that I'm a fan of the show, but that wouldn't be doing it justice."

"Wouldn't be doing it justice?" I asked.

"Right." She looked up, but not at me. She was looking into the lights of the city that were just ahead of us. She spoke again and said, "I'm so much more than a fan of the show. This show has become my life. I'm 18 years old and all I want to do is make people laugh for a living. Not even for a living. I just want to make people laugh. I think I'm pretty good at it."

I was watching her to see what she was going to say next. She reminded me so much of myself, I would almost predict what she was going to do next. She was fumbling around with a rock which was down by her feet. I was actually amazed by this being. She had something about her that I just couldn't quite put my finger on it. Whatever it was, it was mesmerizing.

Her head shot back up at me as she quickly turned to face me, "Oh my god, I'm such a shit. My names Robin. It truly is awesome to meet you." She extended her hand to shake mine, so I did the same. "You're actually my favorite cast member. But you didn't hear that from me." Our hands parted and Robin went back to playing with that rock down by her feet.