Somewhere In The Midst (h.s) [On Hold]

Chapter 10.

Have you ever wondered what your life would be like if that one time you were smart enough to know that what you were getting yourself into would completely change your life? It could be a good change or a bad change. It could be a good change with a bad result or a bad change with a good result. In the end, it's up to you and what you make of it.

Sometimes people go through certain things that either make them stronger and more independent or completely break them. Sometimes it's both.

But the thing is, you don't often regret what happened. Because it's better to cross the line and suffer the consequences than to just stare at that line for the rest of your life. 

And I can proudly say that whatever my experiences are, no matter how horrid, they made me stronger. More alert, and more guarded.

"Is there something I can do to turn that frown upside down?"

I jumped slightly at the voice. I hadn't noticed Harry was standing next to me beside the stove. I looked up to see a playful smile on his lips, but his eyes showed concern and his eyebrows had a barely noticeable furrow.

"What do you mean?" I asked, confused.

He searched my face for something before speaking, "Well you looked pretty deep in thought. The only other reason would be you focussing on the pancakes with so much intensity, which I highly doubt you were." He chuckled, giving me a soft smile.

I didn't realise I was frowning. I offered a small smile and went back to flipping pancakes. Lux was sitting at the kitchen table and eating the one I already made.

"It's honestly nothing Harry." I flashed him a genuine smile and placed the pancake on a plate. "Want some?" I raised the plate in front of his face.

He cutely sniffed the pancake and gave me a pained smile. "This smells so goddamn good. But I can't. I woke up in the middle of the night and ate all the left over spaghetti and the sauce. I don't think it's all the way down yet so I'm gonna have to lay low a little right now." He whined, his face showing regret. "Cereal will have to do for now I guess." He laughed at himself softly, shaking his head.

"Well then, more for me!" I grinned.

He playfully rolled his eyes and took out the milk carton from the fridge and poured it into the Lucky Charms in his bowl, as I sat down with Lux and started eating my pancakes.

"Is it yummy?" I asked her, cringing slightly at the mess she has made, but internally cooed at how extremely adorable she is. She held the pancake like you hold a slice of pizza and had syrup all over her face, clothes and the table. This will need a lot of cleaning up.

She nodded her head eagerly and gave me a muffled response due to her stuffed face.

Harry pulled a chair opposite of me and sat down with his bowl of cereal, munching on the crunchy pieces and marshmallows. I noticed his hair was slightly wet and pushed back, meaning he just took a shower. He wore a black shirt with the top button popped open and several rings on his fingers. He looked so handsome. I tried to look hard enough to find a single flaw but every single imperfection looked so oddly beautiful on him. He was so naturally attractive and just heavenly to look at.

"Take a picture. It'll definitely last longer."

I snapped back to reality and saw him looking at me with an amused smile. I was hoping my not-so-subtle stare would go unnoticed but oh well.

I took my phone out of my pocket. "If you say so." I smiled mischievously at him and snapped a quick picture of him.

His jaw hung open slightly, giving me a clear view of the chewed cereal inside his mouth. "I was joking! Did you seriously just take a picture of me?" He asked me in disbelief while I opened my photo gallery and admired the new shot. His fingers were holding the spoon, stuck midway, drops of milk slightly dripping inside the bowl. His mouth was wide open and his eyebrows were raised. You could see the slight smile on his widely parted lips. 

It was the cutest most adorable thing I have ever seen.

"Hey! What're you smiling at? Show me the picture toooo!" He whined like a five-year-old with a frown.

I laughed softly and locked the screen on my phone, "Nope." I said popping the 'p'. "It's mine."

He looked at me confused, "What do you mean? Did you take a selfie? Were you trolling me? What even is life anymore?"

"Oh hush! You know what I mean." I laughed and he joined in.

"Ooh Ooh! Violet! Take a sefie with me too please!" Lux piped in enthusiastically.

"You mean selfie?" Harry chuckled, tickling her stomach with his long fingers and she giggled. But he made a face when he pulled his hand back and saw brown sticky syrup on it. "Aw c'mon! How did it get on your stomach?" He grumbled and stood up to go wash his hands in the sink, taking his bowl with him.

We both giggled at grumpy Harry and started taking silly pictures of ourselves, laughing at how incredibly silly we looked in them. My arm was sticking in front of us in the air and my thumb kept on pressing the circle on the screen.

Suddenly, soft, full lips attached to my cheek in a sloppy kiss, messy curls tickling my ear. I completely froze and stiffened. My thumb stayed pressed to the screen, probably going on a frenzy and taking a hundred pictures.

He unattached his lips from my cheek and looked at me weirdly, giving me a smile. "You can let go of the camera button now, Violet." He chuckled. "I think a thousand pictures are enough."

I frowned and let go of the screen in a daze as realisation hit me like a truck, my breathing slightly increasing.

"Are you alright?" He asked all signs of playfullness gone and concern and seriousness dripping from his tone.

"Y-yeah. I..I gotta go to the bathroom." I said, pushing my chair back and standing up. Without another word, I made my way to the bathroom and locked the door after me.

Standing in front of the sink, I saw my reflection in the mirror.

My cheeks were flushed and my breathing was slighlty uneven.

I looked into my own eyes.

I can't go through this again. I can't let myself be dragged down under again.

I knew the signs.

Racing heart, butterflies in my stomach, blushing uncontrollably, panting.

I can't do this to myself again. It took me ages to piece myself back together. I can't let this stupid crush develop into anything more. I was naive and stupid back then. I won't let myself suffer again just because I can't control my school-girl feelings for a certain curly-haired, green-eyed man.

Because I know nothing and no one will be able to fix me then.

Not even myself

You promised yourself you wouldn't Violet,

You promised yourself..

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-M