echo // hemmings [completed]

nine | guilt

—September 8th—

"How long do you think you can wait?"

Ashton looked up from the tiled, hospital floor and swallowed hard. Luke looked back at him, waiting for a reply to his question.

"I suppose I should go back to university soon huh?" Ashton mustered. He wasn't too keen on going back to college after so long, but he knew the longer he waited the harder it would be to return. And he kind of missed the friendly setting. He enjoyed joking around with his rugby mates and biking every day. But then there was Luke, blind and just starting physical therapy; and his recurring nightmares full of screams and empty words to a ghostly brunette girl.

Everyday Ashton asked himself the same question Luke just asked him. How long could he wait? It was like everything was piling on top of him, lie after lie after lie. He lied about never loving Riley, he lied about not having nightmares, he lied not about drinking, and now he had to lie about a dead girl's life. And eventually, Ashton knew the pressure would build up and break his back and every bone within him. He would trade so many things to be able to go back to school, carefree and happy. But it was too late now, there was too much guilt and agony weighing him down. And alcohol had barely eased the pain.

"You don't have to worry about me," Luke spoke up. Ashton smiled and squeezed the blonde's hand tightly. But no matter what Luke said Ashton would worry, maybe not about him, but the surrounding circumstances of Luke's situation. And he would probably never stop worrying because that's what liars do: worry.

"You'll get through this Luke," Ashton said. But his heart wasn't in it when he spoke and Luke could tell. Yet he said nothing about it, letting Ashton think he was naive enough to believe in ever seeing again. Luke squeezed back, but it wasn't a reassuring squeeze; it was a hopeless squeeze. A gesture meant to say that it was no use telling him anymore. Four of Sydney's finest optometrists had already examined him, but the swelling in his brain was limiting what could be done. His mum was trying to arrange a meeting with another doctor, one from the US, but there was little chance of receiving good news.

Ashton was about to pack up his things when he received a phone call. He hardly picked up his phone these days, knowing it was often bad news, but he saw Michael's name flash on the screen, a rare sight, and immediately picked up.

"Hello?" Ashton answered, a little bit of desperation in his voice. Michael and Calum never called recently and though it wasn't Ashton's place to say anything, he missed having the four of them together. There was silence for a few seconds as if Michael couldn't believe he picked up before he heard a noise on the other line.

"Hey," Michael said. He seemed nervous over the phone, enough that Ashton could bet good money that he had started that bad habit of tapping his feet again. "Look, it's been a while, but you've got to come to my place. Calum's coming over too, and Drew's out. It's serious, okay?"

Ashton was a bit flustered and it took him a while to process Michael's sudden request. "Okay, I guess. But what's this about?" Ashton pressed the phone between his shoulder and his left cheek as he slung his backpack over his other shoulder. Luke's ears perked up and tried to get a sense of the urgency in the room.

"Look, you know how I fucked things up with Luke with the whole Riley thing?" Michael began to explain. Of course, Ashton remembered, it's all he could think about for the last week or so. "Well... I think I've found something or someone who can help."

Ashton almost dropped his phone. They weren't going to tell Luke the truth, they were going to lie even further? "How?" He asked. He tried to keep his tone light, so he wouldn't alarm Luke of his anger and fear.

"There's a girl. She's got the same voice as Riley," Michael told him, his tone full of worry. Ashton looked at Luke and stepped out of the room for a moment, squeezing Luke's hand again as he left. 

"I'll be back," he said reassuringly.

Once he was in the hallway, where Luke couldn't hear, he focused on his phone conversation again. "You're nuts Michael, there's no way there just happens to be another girl in Sydney with the same, exact voice as Riley."

"I swear, they're identical. Her name's Rowan and she's--"

"Rowan?" Ashton interjected. He couldn't place it, but the name seemed familiar. It was probably just someone with the same name he met on one of his drunken nights.

"Yeah, Rowan Evergreen. You know her? Well, doesn't matter, but I'm telling you. Same accent, same slang, she even loves action movies!" Michael practically exclaimed over the phone. It was the loudest Ashton had heard him in forever. "Look, you've got to come over, and we need to talk. I'm not crazy, I promise you." Michael's voice was too sincere for Ashton to dismiss.

"Fuck, fine I was about to leave anyway. Let me say bye to Luke and I'll be down there in a few, you still live in that fancy-ass apartment building right?" Ashton checked.

"Yeah, bye Ash," and with that Michael hung up. Before Ashton's departure, he popped his head in the slightly ajar door and called out to Luke, "I have to run, but I'll visit soon alright?"

"Later!" Luke shouted back. He was curious as to what caused his friend to leave in such a rush, but he shrugged away his curiosity for now and slowly immersed himself in a long nap.

-

a/n: thank you for 1.3k+ reads :) it's wonderful to see so many readers and truly thank you for the comments and votes <3 i appreciate it all thank you!