echo // hemmings [completed]

twenty | unfair

—October 1st—

Lips slightly pursed, arms swaying by her side, and a bit of attitude in every step. That's how Rowan Evergreen used to walk into every room before she met them. Slouched a little forward, ankles crossed, and wrists crossed on her lap. That's how Rowan Evergreen sat down on every park bench before she met them. Determined, hopelessly in love, and bad at hiding secrets. That's how Rowan Evergreen used to be. 

Head back, arms crossed over her chest, and her back ever so straight. That's how Rowan Evergreen now walked. Feet planted on the ground, her hands tucked under her thighs, and her butt at the edge of her seat. That's how Rowan Evergreen now sat down. A desperate imitation of a girl that once lived. That's what she had become.

Everyday they could see her changing a little more. They could hear it and feel it. It was so obvious you couldn't even try to ignore it. Somedays Calum would catch himself calling her by the wrong name, and every time he would loathe himself for it. The rhythm of her step, the pace of her words, everything, and absolutely everything was getting closer and closer to his memory of Riley. And it  was so unfair.

One day she smelled of oranges and burnt sugar, the next she smelled of freshly cut lavender. The changes were too radical. And every time she changed a little more, Calum would trace the scar on his face and remember. He would remember Riley. The real Riley, not the fake he only cooperated with to please Luke. 

He hated her. This phony Riley was tearing up his sanity and she was totally aware of it. And to make it worse, she was standing about fifteen feet away from him sweeping up the dust on the floor. She had volunteered to help at the store. He didn't want her to come, but Michael practically forced him to babysit her.

He was watching her every move. How she bit her lip when she couldn't get the dust in the corners, how she rubbed her arms when she stood under the air conditioner. He saw it all, and everything about it disgusted him. How could this person ever be Riley?

"Do you hate me or something?" She said calmly as she continued to sweep. "You look at me and then shoot me a dirty look every so often. Why?" Rowan was not provoking him. She was purely and naturally curious.

"Honestly? Yeah, I kind of do hate you. Actually, I really do. I really do in fact hate you," he said with a bit of conviction. He wanted her to have a taste of it, all of his pent of anger and hurt. "You're an absolute fake. You don't have a shred of personality and honestly? You're just Michael's puppet."

She looked at him for a moment without the slightest change of expression. "And so what?" She asked, unfazed by his words. 

And right then Calum hated her a little more. "You're a shameless aren't you? Volunteering to stand in for the dead just so you can make a profit. It's deplorable. Everything about you is deplorable." His voice began to raise and he didn't want to stop at that moment. He wanted to let everything go without regrets.

"Before this shit even happened everything was fucking fine. I worked here, Michael, Calum, and Luke went to university and Riley was alive. I could've seen how everything would go. It was all predictable. It was all safe. No one was getting hurt, no one was dying, and we weren't getting involved with you. If you hadn't shown up Michael's crazy idea would have never taken flight and I wouldn't have to lie to my best friend every damn day!" Calum took a deep breath. It felt right, yelling without remorse in his shop at some girl he knew for a month and a half. 

But even though Calum said these things, half of him knew it wasn't true. It was never her fault, not for one second. She had been pulled into this mess just like him. The only difference was that she chose to join this, unlike him who had been pushed in head first. Maybe that's what he hated about Rowan, how she was prepared for this chaos when he never dreamed of it. How she signed up for it when it was thrown into his life without warning. It was all so unfair.

Why? Why? Why was it like this? Every day and every night Calum wondered these things. They were normal, nothing extraordinary, but they got stuck in the least predictable and most screwed up situation imaginable. 

At this time Calum didn't even know what he was saying anymore. It all came out so easily. All of his hatred and uneasiness and guilt. It flowed off his tongue so smoothly he couldn't even catch it. He just kept going until there wasn't an ounce of anger in him. Calum didn't even know how long he had been rambling on for. All he knew was that when he was done Rowan was still looking at him with the same expression she wore before. It was a little frightening. How she could take so much and still look him in the eye. He must have called her so many horrible names and told her so many malicious things; yet she just stood there with her head tilted to the side and her eyes fully focused.

"I know." That's all Rowan Evergreen said in response to his rage. Just two words, that's all.

Calum felt a little defeated  from her response and decided not to snap back. Instead he decided to just dismiss her. 

"You can go home," he mumbled. He turned away from her and expected her to leave, but she didn't budge.

"I'm coming back tomorrow," she stated with the most unfeeling voice possible. Then he heard her footsteps making their way to the door.

"Why?" He said, still not facing her.

"I deserve it," she replied without hesitation, her words coming out faster than she could process.

"The fuck does that mean?"

Rowan clenched and unclenched her first and stared at the floor sadly. "I'm in the wrong." She clenched and unclenched her fist several times. No matter how deep her nails dug into her flesh she couldn't process the pain. It's like it was really only skin deep, touching only the shallow bits of her. "Stay angry at me Calum. Be furious, I don't care. So tell me how stupid I am, how shameless, and selfish I am. Do it! Because frankly, I can't feel the urge to care anymore."

-

a/n: oH

sorry for the slight delay 

xx