echo // hemmings [completed]

eighteen | i love you

—September 28th—

Wake up, brush her teeth, wash her face, then drive to Calum's workplace to practice. This was Rowan's morning routine for almost two weeks now. Every day she came home more tired than the day before. Every day she practiced being some other girl. And every day she grew more and more scared of losing herself. 

But today, she had no time to be scared. Because the second she entered the record shop, she was hit with a huge shock.

"We're going to see Luke today," Michael announced.

Rowan gaped at him as the store door swung shut behind her. Her eyes went from his to Ashton's and then to Calum's. They were all looking at the ground, unable to face her.

"Why today?" She asked, staring at the three boys. "I still don't have everything down. My stride is too wide, I talk too fast, and I-I still can't say it." Rowan chewed at the corner of her lip in frustration. She knew how important this was. For them, and for her. They needed the emotional reassurance and she needed the money Michael promised her. The motel had a renovation at the motel and now they were charging her an extra two hundred. This was her make it or break it moment.

"Luke is getting a laser eye treatment today. It might not work, but he needs you more than ever," Calum explained. "It's fine if you're not perfect, but you saying 'I love you' to him is essential."

"My 'I love you' is empty, it's nothing convincing," Rowan said coldly. She hadn't said that phrase to anyone since she moved from her mom's place. She didn't even get the chance to say it to the boy she loved the most. So how could she say it to someone she saw only once?

"Saying it with an empty voice is better than saying nothing at all," Michael reasoned. "Please, you need to come with us today." His eyes seemed to be pleading. As if she could restore his hope. But Rowan knew she could never do that. She could never fill the space for them. After all, she was just an echo of a girl that once was.

She glanced at Calum, whose eyes were stern and unmoving. He was dead set on making Rowan go. She then looked at Ashton, who hadn't spoken since she arrived. He looked lost and fragile, looking at her with a yearning look. 

Rowan never liked being looked at. And now she was the center of these boys' problems. It was stressful and tiresome, but she didn't care anymore. She just wanted to survive.

"What time are we leaving?" She asked snappily.

Michael looked at his watch. "If we leave now, we can see him half an hour before the procedure."

"Then I guess we should start moving," Rowan said.

The four of them left the shop and climbed into Calum's car. Rowan and Ashton sat in the back, as Michael sat in the passenger seat and Calum drove.

Rowan looked at Ashton, whose focus was on the scenery. She didn't understand him. Some days he was a pathetic mess that smelled of booze, and some days he was resilient and strong. In fact, they were all a mystery to her. She had seen the three of them for almost two weeks and they were still a mystery to her.

They didn't act like friends, but they were always in sync when helping her. They argued every day, but never held a grudge for the same thing. They made a show of how much they hated each other, but Rowan saw how lonely they looked. She saw how they would bite their lip whenever they wanted to say something and how they shuffled their feet to stop themselves from getting close. It was like they weren't allowed to be friends. As if there was a wall telling them that they couldn't.

She didn't get it, but she wanted to. And the best way to know was to start talking.

"Are you still drinking?" She asked Ashton bluntly. He looked shaken by her sudden urge to speak. But he still answered.

"No. I've been sober all week." Calum didn't show it, but hearing Ashton say that made him relieved. It made him feel like there was a chance he could help Ashton.

"Ashton, were you and Riley good friends?" Calum almost ran a red when he heard that, he looked at Michael and Michael was just as startled. Ashton's eyes went wide, but he managed to remain calm.

"We all were. Everyone loved Riley. Teachers, parents, classmates; she was adored." Ashton looked so sad when he spoke. Rowan didn't want to press him on any information, so she stopped there. But in her head, she was starting to put the pieces together. The Riley that was dead was the same Riley that Ashton was crying about weeks ago.

He loved her. Maybe he still does now. And while he was accepting the truth, Luke was living through a lie. And it was all their fault. 

Rowan looked out the window, hoping she could find the answer to all her questions, out there in the grassy fields. But unfortunately, all she could find was an intimidating, grey building with a  red cross on it, for they had arrived at the hospital.

They were later than expected and had only ten minutes to see Luke. So Calum quickly took the initiative and lead them to Luke's room. They passed by nurses and doctors and loud machines, but they only thought about Luke. The boys' thought about him in worry, and Rowan thought of him in fear. Fear that he would see through it all. Fear that they would be caught.

They arrived just in time as the nurses hadn't come to transport Luke to the operating room. They filed into the room one by one, each of them nervous with their hearts racing.

Luke smiled when he heard so many footsteps. "This sounds like a big group," he said with a laugh. 

Being this close to him was freaking Rowan out. What if she messed up? What if she fails? What would happen to her then? She didn't know and she didn't ever want to know. Because she had no option, but to succeed.

Calum cleared his throat. "Hey Luke, the whole gang's here." Luke's eyes lit up when he heard that.

"Even Riley?" He asked, brimming with excitement.

"Yeah, even Riley," Ashton said reassuringly.

"Where is she? Can she come over here?" Luke said yearningly.

Michael gave Rowan a nudge and she carefully walked up to Luke, sitting beside him. Her hands trembled, but she pinched herself to make it stop.

"Riley?" He called, reaching for her hand.

"Yeah," she said as gently as possible. "I'm here, Luke." He smiled so happily, the guilt was like a stake through her heart.

"How have you been? Are you alright?" He questioned. He squeezed her hands. "You're a little bony, are you eating alright?"

Riley smiled a grim smile. "Focus on yourself, Luke. You're gonna be okay." Tears fought to come out of Luke's eyes. But he held them back, not wanting to look weak. Riley had finally come. After all his waiting, she was finally there. And her presence was all that he needed.

"Riley, I love you," he whispered. When Rowan heard that, she looked at the three other males. They nodded and silently encouraged her to do it. To say it back.

Though Rowan felt nauseous, she smiled. This boy had been through too much to not hear it.

"I know Luke, I love you too."

-

a/n: man i'm tired