echo // hemmings [completed]

five | scar

—August 23rd—

"I'm so glad you could make it to our appointment today Mr. Hood." The lean woman adjusted her glasses before giving Calum a polite smile. 

"I gave you my word, and I'd like to think my word is always true," he said. His voice was gruff and a bit raspy; it was eight in the morning and he had only woken half an hour ago. Weary brown eyes darted around the room. He saw pristinely cleaned mahogany bookshelves and laminated certificates in dark-colored frames, pastel-colored paintings, and photos of the ocean. He thought to himself that this is probably what every shrinks' office looked like. 

"Calum, do you know why you're here in my office today?"

"Yes." Calum sighed. He had resisted coming here for a week now. The police were the ones who suggested it after the accident, but Mali was the one who really pushed for the idea. Dr. Margaret Blaine was an esteemed psychologist and therapist that his family could barely afford, but he figured there was no harm in trying as long as he paid his family back for the money.

"How're you today Calum?" She was here to help, and Calum didn't necessarily understand her job nor her methods, but he found it in him to be polite enough to cooperate.

"I'm doing fine." She was still a stranger, no matter how many degrees she had. And it didn't take him 19 years of his life to figure out that he needed to be careful with his words.

"Is there anything you want to talk about today?" She asked sweetly.

"Not particularly," he replied. The woman was not satisfied with the response and wondered how she could get him to open up. Most of the time she could get them talking with some light-hearted banter about their interest, but looking at Calum, she could tell he was in no mood for idle chat.

"Well then, let's start with how you have been feeling recently." Dr. Blaine put down her pen and pad and leaned forward, showing that he had her full attention. "Tired? Worried?"

"Tired," Calum told her. "I'm sorry for cursing, but I'm just really fucking tired." She responded with a nod.

"That's perfectly understandable. An event like this is bound to shake someone up. Are you getting enough rest? Sleeping well?" She said in a motherly tone.

"Yeah," he answered, but she looked at him with such sincerity that he felt guilt for telling a lie. "No. I can't sleep because I just keep thinking."

"About?"

"About what happened," he replied. Every night he would lie awake and wonder what he could have done, what he should have done. He would recall the last words she said to him and how he wished he had just taken a different route home. He would think of that moment of pure fear he had when his airbags smashed into his face after his car collided with another. But the memory that haunted him the most? When his eyes slowly opened to see the lifeless body of his friend only inches away from him. Her eyes shut and her forehead dripping with her own blood. Her hands were limp as he tried to wake her. Her chest wasn't rising and he shook her body like a mad man, waiting for any response at all.

The only thing he was relieved about was the fact that she didn't die with her eyes open. He didn't know if he could live himself if he had to remember the sight of her brown eyes, deprived of life. "I keep thinking about how it was my fault; how my hands that were on the wheel of the car she died in."

"Calum, it's not your fault," Dr. Blaine said genuinely. "You didn't hurt her. It was an accident. You need to remember that."

"But how can I when all I recall are the people that had to pull me away from her body as she was checked on by medics? The same medics who had to tell me that she was dead. Do you know how that feels Doctor? That paralyzing feeling."

The professional shook her head, unable to imagine how he must have felt. "I can't even begin to think about what you have been through."

"Then what kind of advice can you give me?" The dark-haired boy inquired. "What can you say that will make me not feel the guilt I will always carry around with me?"

"Calum, I can only guide you through this. I can't fix how you feel. I can only help you figure it out."

He laughed bitterly at her statement. "Every time I look in the mirror, I see this scar on my face. Every time someone asks me how I got it, I relive it. Frame by frame, second by second. What part of that am I supposed to 'figure out'?"

"It will take time. Our session is almost over, but if you allow me to, I can prescribe some melatonin to help you sleep. How does that sound?"

"Yeah, sure," the boy mumbled. She continued to describe to him what exactly melatonin was, but he zoned out, dreaming of what it would be like to sleep peacefully again.

As the session ended, they exchanged goodbyes, and though Calum found the session somewhat helpful, he had no plan to return. 

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a/n: everything's building up right now so please be patient as this story does not focus on one character as it has more of a fly on the wall perspective x