echo // hemmings [completed]

twenty-one | cold

—October 2nd—

Today Rowan walked into Calum's shop different than yesterday. Today she felt a little colder than yesterday. Not the kind of cold where she shuddered, the kind of cold that made other people shudder when they saw her. Calum noticed this because he shuddered when she entered the room. Her gaze a little sharper than yesterday, and her arms a little more tightly crossed.

Calum thought that Rowan must have been a warm person before this all happened. He believed that they were the ones who turned her cold. He had no proof of this, but he had a feeling. He bet that she used to laugh everyday and smile with the biggest of smiles. That she used to live her life full of bright, beautiful colors. He bet that she had it all before they came into her life. He thought that she was this way because of their influence. But unfortunately, Calum's bets and assumptions about Rowan's past were wrong.

Because before Ashton, Luke, Michael, and Calum met her, she was already like this. Maybe not on the outside, but on the inside, Rowan Evergreen had never changed.

She did not have a warm life like Calum guessed. No, her life was a scatter of hot and cold moments. Her father passing away, her mother never being there, and her best friend dying. Those were cold moments, freezing moments even. Her mother's embrace, her best friend's laughter, and her cheeks flushing when she laughed. Those were hot moments, moments that burned so deep in her memory, wishing to be revived.

But they never could, at least not anymore. Because Rowan Evergreen was just too far along a shallow, dark path and no one could even see her anymore. She didn't laugh everyday and didn't smile with a big smile. The only smiles she smiled these days were fake smiles, professionally plastered on her face for everyone to see. And her life had been painted with a tainted monochrome scheme, a mix of eerie grays and aggressive blacks that seemed to envelope everything. Warm just didn't suit her anymore. It didn't look natural and it just didn't feel right to her. How could she be warm when her life had lost all heat and compassion? She was just cold now, so very cold.

Right now, in the same room, were two very cold people. Neither knowing what to say since their last encounter. They had both seen many things, too many things honestly. And neither wanted to admit their coldness. They just stood on opposite sides of the room trying to keep busy. Trying to consume themselves in menial tasks so they wouldn't have time to think about anything else. Not about each other, their futures, or their pasts. Especially their pasts, because god knows how much trouble they had in their pasts.

And when they did think about their pasts, they would wallow in it for periods of days. But unlike Calum, Rowan had come to terms with her past. Yes, she still found herself upset about it, but she still accepted it. All those times her friends used her for her mother's wealth, every time her mother lied to her, and every damn time she had her heartbroken by the people around her. She had learned to look at those times without getting angry or mad.

But Calum? Calum never accepted his past. He still lived through it every night. He remembered when he couldn't go to college because he had to pay for his dad's drinks, how hurt Mali was when their dad didn't support her dreams, and how dark the shadows under his mum's eyes were. He remembered everything, not because he wanted to, but because he had to.

And every night Calum would have the same dream. A dream where he would be drowning in pressure, guilt, and disgust. And no matter how hard he would try to pull himself out, he couldn't. Until he would feel a hand push him forward and he would end up standing in front of his high school. The same high school that held memories he tried so hard to forget.

The hardest memory to forget was the day he met Luke Hemmings. He remembered that day too well actually. He could recall the smell of the wet grass, the feel of the lighter in his hand, and how angry Luke was when they met. And on that day, Luke had every right to be upset. After all, that day was the day that Calum gave up.

He had given up on hope, on luck, on pride, and on faith. He had let every single one of those good things slip through his fingers, and he didn't give a single damn about it. Because holding onto hope, luck, pride, and faith would only drag him down, at least that's what he thought. He thought letting go of these things would make things easier. Because having no expectations means you can't fail them. And that's what Calum wanted, to not fail anymore.

Because he had tasted failure so many times it had become a constant aftertaste in his mouth. He couldn't get rid of it no matter how hard he hoped or prayed. But on that day, Calum had found a way to get rid of that bitter taste. It wasn't the best and it was probably the worst way, but at that moment, Calum thought it was the only way.

After all, there was no better way to destroy something than with fire.

-

a/n: this had a little bit of a dark edge to it, sorry

i'll be editing them for a bit so please be patient

once again i appreciate all of you and you all inspire me to keep writing

thank you

xx