echo // hemmings [completed]

fifteen | obsession

—September 9th—

By the time Michael had arrived at his apartment, it was already two in the morning. 

He hardly recognized the place. Yellow tape created a maze and police officers were stationed all around. One talking to medics, another examining the room, and a handful asking the other residents questions. Neighbors he had never seen before were drowsily gathered around the scene; most talked in hushed voices and some gave him sharp looks.

"What was he doing when this happened?"

"That poor girl had to break into the apartment because he wasn't there."

"If he was home this wouldn't have happened."

"He's going to be crushed when he finds out."

More and more whispers surrounded him as he attempted to navigate his way through. Each word was like a broken piece of glass, stabbing at him. And the worst part was, he knew it was all true. If he had just picked up the phone, instead of turning it off and leaving it in his car, none of this would've happened. He wouldn't be wandering through a crime scene, police wouldn't be ravaging through his apartment, and most of all;  Drew wouldn't be dead.

And at that thought, the memories of Riley's passing flooded back to him. The images of the caution tape, the sound of the pencils scratching on notepads, the pens clicking erratically, and the guilt of another friend lost. Everything came back to haunt him, from the decisions he didn't make, to all the moments he wasted, and to all the things he should've done. All of it returned to him in a surging pain of regret, remorse, and self-hatred. Because just like then, there were a million choices he could've made to save someone's life, and once again; he had failed.

But what haunted him more than his guilt, was his impending encounter with a certain girl who was, without a doubt, bound to give him the hardest time of his life. 

The boy was hesitant to seek her, as he was already overwhelmed by his friend's death and his irrevocable grief towards the accident. So he tried to distract himself by asking the police if he could pack up Drew's belongings. It wasn't a happy distraction, but it was something he needed to do, and something that he hadn't done for Riley yet.

The officer was kind enough to lead him to Drew's room. But what the officer failed to warn him of was the presence of a petite girl sitting in the middle of Drew's bed. 

The look in her eyes was stern as she focused on the view out the window. She sat, hugging her legs as if they were her shield, her last defense. Her eyes were red from crying and her fists were clenched so tight, her knuckles turned white. And unexpectedly, she didn't speak at all. Not when Michael walked into the room and not when the officer asked how she was. She was like a statue that could only stare out the window from her pedestal. 

Seeing Rowan so distantly close gave Michael chills. Part of him wanted to leave the room, but another part of him wanted to simply sit down and cry. Because seeing her there made his pain even more real. Should he escape the problem? Should he try to ask for forgiveness? He didn't have a single clue as to what to do now.

But luckily Michael didn't have to choose.

"You're finally back?" Rowan asked without moving any muscle other than her lips and tongue. Her voice cut off his train of thought and prompted him to focus on the situation at hand.

"Yeah," Michael managed.  He quickly started to occupy himself with the chore of cleaning Drew's room. The bookshelf had been put back against the wall, but though it was in the same place again, it was not in the same state. Most shelves were broken and had sharp splinters protruding, and few were still intact. There wasn't anything to take off the shelves, as the police had already collected the items stored there. So Michael simply asked a nearby officer where they were, and with no delay, the officer found and handed him a large cardboard box. 

Michael began storing it all away. He then moved to emptying the dressers and collecting the stray clothes and shoes on the floor. It took him an hour or two to finish cleaning all of Drew's things. And throughout the whole process, he did not see Rowan budge from her spot. 

He had packed everything up, which was his goal for coming, but saying nothing to Rowan and just leaving seemed a little cruel. After all, they both just lost their friend.

"Hey, Rowan..." Michael began. He fidgeted with his hands awkwardly, not knowing what to say next. So he went with the easiest thing to say. "I hope you know that I'm so sor--"

"Sorry? Why are you guilty of something?" Rowan interjected with a scoff. She did not move from where she was when she spoke, but her words felt like a slap to the face to Michael.

"Look," he replied stunned. "I'm just sorry that I didn't pick up your call." 

"It's fine," she breathed. "How were you supposed to know he was crushed under a goddamn bookshelf?"

"It's not fine. I should have answered, because if I had just picked up--"

"What? Would he still be alive?" The girl turned to him. "Do you think you picking up your phone would have saved Drew's life?"

Michael was taken back by her hostile tone. "No, I'm just saying that maybe I could've made a difference."

"That's some pretty selfish thinking," she said, turning to him, but immediately regretted it. "Fuck, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."

"No, you're right. It is pretty selfish," he admitted. He sat next to her as she gazed through the window.

"I'm just so angry right now," she told him. "I'm so fucking angry and I don't know what to do."

"I get that," Michael said. She tilted her head in curiosity.

"Really?"

"Yeah. When I got the call from the Calum about what happened... Shit, I almost lost my mind because I had so many feelings bottled up inside of me. And I didn't know what to do with a single one."

Rowan nodded understandingly. "I just hate this. I feel so powerless. I couldn't do a thing for him. I literally watched him die in front of me, while I just cried. I could've done so much in that time, but instead, I just cried. And now I'm here feeling so angry... Upset... And just downright pathetic."

"Pathetic?"

Rowan laughed. "I was in love with that idiot. I was in love with him for years and I did nothing, but wait for him to see me the way that I saw him. All I did was chase him and now he's gone and I'm chasing nothing. I loved that boy and now I'm going to be stuck loving him forever because I couldn't tell him. I couldn't tell him how I felt and that's why I'm so goddamn pathetic because I was obsessed with him and without him, I feel like half of me is missing. I gave a part of me to him that I'm never going to get back."

Michael was shocked by her sudden confession, unable to provide her with advice as he had no idea how she felt. He lost someone he loved too, but not to the same extent as her. He understood that no one could love Drew the way she did and the eerie similarity of the strength of her adoration reminded him of his friend. His friend who was also obsessed with a girl that was now gone.

"I don't know how to fix this, Michael. I don't know how to feel other than sad and hopeless. Right now all I want is an escape from this. A distraction," she looked him in the eye. "A new obsession."

-

a/n: sorry for the super long delay, i thought this published yesterday but my wifi was on the fritz D:

thank you all for the support and patience <3