Nothing But Randomness

So....

So...I decided to kinda be open and finally tell you guys..something personal...

For those of you who know about what's going on, you can just skip this chapter..as for everyone else...um....Know I might end up crying

So, first off, know that my mom and dad never married. Ever.
They just kinda broke up when I was 2-3.And I ended up living with just my mom and my brother.
I got to see dad, of course, but otherwise he wasn't around a lot.

Now, recently, things have been...scary between me and my dad.

I think it was around sixth grade when I actually just...got distanced from him. It wasn't cause of anything personal, I just didn't want to be around him all the time.

And, I guess he got upset about that? I don't know, but he did.

Also recently, he got a girlfriend.......Yeah...

Now, I don't know why, but he's just gotten really mad at me...

Like, he's called me horrible things, he scares me, he yells at me whenever I go over there, he's called the cops on me because I wouldn't go with him, he never listens to me, he tells me things I shouldn't know about, and just crazy stuff like that.

And I honestly don't know what I did to get him upset...

I just know this started getting serious sometime around the end of 7th grade.

At the beginning of the school year, he's shown up at school for no reason and has made me go and see him. I had to have a friend go with me once because I was scared he was going to start a scene.

Anyways, I won't go into details, I'm lucky he stopped showing up, but I will tell you some more stuff.

Because of him and all that's going on, I've been tested for depression and I actually got up to moderate depression...which...isn't good, but...it's not severe either. Like I don't have any plans on killing myself or cutting or anything like that. But, I have been a bit more....I don't know how to explain it.

Yes, my mother does know about this.
Yes, I do go to a therapist.

But...Just...I don't know.

What's even worse, is that my brother does the exact same thing.

He hits me all the time (which I'm surprised my dad hasn't done yet), he calls me horrible names, he's selfish, he's even defended my dad when he saw what he was doing to me.

Yeah. My family is just...all over the place.

Now, as for why I'm telling you this?

Well...I know there are people out there who do actually think about taking their lives, and have actually tried and almost succeeded in doing so.

Well, I wanna show those people that they're not alone. That there are people like them going through the exact same thing. That they have people to talk to when they feel upset. That they can come to ME when they feel upset because I'm right now going through something and we can help each other out.

It's also kind of a reason to show why I don't really post rants on here and most of the time most of the stuff I post that is to me, upsetting, really dramatic. Cause I don't want to make people sad. I want them to be happy and cheery and smiling and loving their lives.

And well...

I guess it's a way for me to feel better?

Though...it doesn't really make me feel better....

It makes me feel worse...because when someone knows about it, I feel like they have more things to worry about.

And that makes me feel bad.

I usually feel guilty for things that I didn't have anything to do with.

So....

I don't know where I'm going with this..........................

I just............

I don't know................

I'll be posting the Q and A sometime later tomorrow or something.

Yeah.....

Bye....