Blowing Winds

Chapter 13

Beck has no idea what he's talking about. Seth is a gentleman. He pulled my chair out for me and held all the doors open for me. His smile sends those fluttering feelings down to your stomach.

"So Sarah, tell me about your life back in Minnesota." And with those words it's like my world was upside down and was flipped upright. My life? Phillip. My boyfriend. Here I am on a date and I have a boyfriend? In my need to prove Beck wrong, to prove to myself that he didn't make decisions for me, I did the one thing I swore not to do. That one thing, the one main reason, I'm at war with myself about Beck. I must be stupid.

"I have a boyfriend." I blurted out. He looked at me surprised. His mouth opened but he didn't say anything. "I'm sorry. I have to go." I picked up my phone and got ready to bolt out of there.

"Sarah. You don't have to leave. We're just friends."

"No. I don't want a friend. I just want to leave." I headed for the door as the tears started to form. I can't cheat on Phillip. I'm not a cheater. No matter how many times he cheats on me I won't cheat on him. When he calls me a cheater I want to know in my heart that I'm not. When he calls me those horrible things I want to know I'm not. And Beck. He makes me so angry sometimes I want to scream. Then other times I want him to hold me and never let go. But I can't. Because I'm not a cheater. Why don't you just break up with Phillip? That voice always whispers in my head. It's not that I don't want to. I can't. He's in charge. If I leave, I don't know what he would do. He might even kill me like he's threatened to. Who knows? I sniffled as I walked up the steps to the house.

"Sarah? What's wrong?" Beck sounded alarmed.

"I can't cheat on Phillip and I can't break up with him. I'm alone in this crappy bubble that I let him put me in." I started to sob as Beck pulled me into a hug. "I want to leave him. Who would want to stay with a person who hits them? I just can't. I'm so afraid. I'm so afraid all the time. And angry. How did I not see it at the beginning? Why did he have to be so perfect? Perfect doesn't exist, Beck."

"Sarah. I know. I'm sorry." He stroked my hair and pulled me closer.

"It's not fair. And- and," I pulled back, "and I'm still angry at you."

"I know. Just hug me. Then you can yell at me in a second."

"Okay."

I don't know how long he held me like that. He held me until my sobs became hiccups and until they gradually subsided. Then the embarrassment set in and I backed out of the hug quickly.

"I'm sorry. That didn't happen. I didn't just melt down in your arms. Forget about this." I turned to run up the stairs.

"Sarah?"

"What?"

"Do you want to yell at me now?" I looked at his serious face and burst into laughter.

"I guess I could if you want me to." He snorted.

"Yes. My favorite thing to do in life is being yelled at by you. Now come on the couch and yell at me until I tell you what you want to know."

"Explain to me why you get so uptight when I mentioned her name." He looked at me with a frown. I could see frustration and boiling anger in his eyes. The warmth in his eyes from moments ago now seemed like searing heat. I shook my head. "Just start at the beginning."

He took a deep breath.

"I met her almost a month after I moved down here last year. I was still pretty messed up because of the divorce and she was this girl who didn't care about anything. The first time we met I had gone down to the beach for a midnight swim. I was in one of those moods when you're so angry at the world and everything in it. As I got closer to the shoreline I saw this girl standing at the edge, looking up at the moon. I then realized she wasn't wearing any actual clothes. She only had on a towel. I ignored her at first, thinking she was just one of those weirdos, but then she turned to me and said