Blowing Winds

Chapter 17

Beck brought my luggage down to the foyer and smiled at me. I couldn't help but smile back. He's so sweet and such a gentleman. It's natural for him. I thought back over the weeks and how he held open doors for me. He brought me food or a drink if I was thirsty. He brought my suitcases down without me even asking him to. It was very different than Phillip. He would seem like a gentleman from the outside, but I know his motivations. Phillip will hold open a door for me, as away of showing everyone I'm his. He'll make me stay sitting and go and get something so I don't divert any attention off of him. With Phillip, it was stifling... with Beck it was as if he was serving me because he wanted to. Beck wanted to do anything for me, because he liked me, but Phillip only wants to control me. To take charge of my whole life. That doesn't sound like love to me. Love should be free and understanding. Soft and warm. Not rough and demanding. It should be like Beck, not Phillip. But who was I dating?

~

I stood outside the house waiting for Beck to finish packing the rental car as Michelle and Melinda said their goodbyes inside the house. When Beck closed the trunk, he turned to me and gave me a smile. I walked closer to him as he leaned back against the hood.

"Try not to miss me too much on the road, flower." He winked.

"Wouldn't dream about it, Franny." I laughed. His eyes met mine and the playfulness was gone, replaced by seriousness.

"Please don't go back to him." He whispered so quietly I thought I'd miss heard him.

"What?"

"I said, please don't go back to him." He pushed himself off the car and grabbed my hands.

"Please, Beck. Don't ask me. Let's not talk about this now." I shook my head.

"Sarah, I don't want it to go back to how it was three weeks ago. I don't want to pass you in the hallway and see him hugging you. To see him kissing you." His thumb quickly slid across my bottom lip and it made butterflies erupt in my stomach.

"Can we please not talk about this?" I tried to swallow and then talked through the lump in my throat, "We'll talk about it when we get home okay?" I closed my eyes but I saw the slight flicker of disappointment and pain in those gorgeous blue eyes of his. "I'm sorry." I tilted my forehead to press against his forehead. He sighed as he pulled me into a hug.

"Don't be sorry, Sarah. I'll see you when we get home, okay?" He let me go and I nodded, tears in my eyes. Why are you crying, Sarah? I blinked the tears back. It wasn't like we were breaking up. We weren't even together to break up. So why did it feel like my heart was being ripped out of my chest? I smiled at him, trying to hide my heartache.

"Yes. I- I will see you back home." Melinda and Michelle walked down the steps to where we were standing. Michelle grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the rental car.

"We will see you back in Minnesota, Beck." My mother nodded to him and he smiled, putting his hands into his pockets. I climbed into the passenger side of the car and tried not to watch Melinda say goodbye to her only son. I don't know how she does that. To send your only child that far away and know that you won't see him for a few months? I couldn't. It would kill me. I shook away my thoughts as I put my headphones into my ears.

I wish I had been in the car with Beck. The whole plane ride home, he was all I could think about. I tried reading. I tried sleeping. I tried to watch movies and listen to music but I couldn't get him out of my mind. I was laying in my bed, trying to take a quick nap before unpacking, when Michelle came in and sat down next to me.

"Go away." I mumbled, thinking she was here to bug me about unpacking. "I'll unpack later."

"Sarah, honey, I need you to sit up."

"Why?" I asked, still keeping my eyes closed. I was almost into dreamland. I was so comfortable.

"Sarah, there's been an accident." I opened my eyes. "It's your father. He was driving home from work today and his car got hit by a drunk driver." I sat up and looked at her, praying this was actually a dream. Her mouth was set in a firm line and her eyes were red and I knew. I knew the next words out of her mouth were going to shatter my whole world. Were going to shatter me. "Sarah, he- he didn't make it. He died on impact." My head spun. I felt like I was going to puke. A sick burning feeling imploded in my stomach and spread to my limbs. My heart started to beat faster and black was dancing around the sides of my vision. I couldn't speak. I just continued to stare at her. Then I got mad. Like the red haze people talk about? I saw it. It was swimming in front of my eyes. "Sarah? Honey?" Melinda touched my arm and a tear slid down my cheek. "Sarah? Say something."

"That- that's not fair."

"What's not fair?" She looked at me confused.

"He's dead and you never even told him you loved him anymore. You acted like strangers. He died thinking you didn't love him anymore!" My mother pulled back as if I had slapped her. Maybe I had, metaphorically.

"That's not true. I- I never-"

"You barely talked to each other. You refused to let him sleep in your room. He's been staying in the guest room for months! He- He's... and the last time we saw him was before the beach. I- I-" No more words formed as I crumpled into a small ball on my bed and let the tears flow. I cried for my father. I cried for my mother. And I cried for myself.

I later learned that they had made my mother come in to ID the body. The body. Because he wasn't a person anymore. He wasn't my daddy anymore. I saw his body at the funeral. It was horrible to see him there in that casket. Lifeless. Which is a pretty good word to describe someone with no life anymore. I can't believe that the man lying in a casket buried under six feet of dirt used to swing me around in his arms. He would throw me up in the air and I remember giggling my head off. My mother would yell, "Clark! Be careful! Don't drop her." And he'd look at me in his arms and poke my nose saying, "I'll never drop her." He never did, honestly. We used to talk about my daddy daughter dance at my wedding someday. It was going to be to Butterfly Kisses. He was going to dip me. I promise you he would have said it then too. That's not going to happen now. I am fatherless. It's a weird thing to know I won't have someone to walk me down the aisle. Yeah, that's sad. Beck's been around. I've tried to keep my distance, though. I cheated on Phillip with Beck and then my father died. I haven't been much in the mood to talk about my love life. Phillip has been oddly supportive. Probably because he's afraid of hitting me and someone seeing it. There's always someone at my house, nowadays. There's a lot of food too, but I'm never hungry. My daddy was always someone who you could go to with a problem. I wish now I had told him about Phillip. He'd have helped me. He'd have made me feel safe again. He wouldn't have dropped me.

**

Hi, guys! I'm so sorry I haven't updated in, well, a REALLY long time. BUT it's summer and I have officially graduated high school. (Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!) I can't promise how often I will update because I am still very busy moving across the country for college, (ahh!) but I will try my best to update more then I have been. Thank you to everyone who has stuck with this story. And those who have stuck with me through my long periods of writers block. Ti amo!

-B