When We Collided

Chapter 19

There was Will laying on the bed, with Tatiana on top of him. His shirt was off, and so was hers. I felt my entire heart shatter, and suddenly I didn't feel so drunk. I couldn't move, my eyes glued to them. Tears welled in my eyes, and I heard the three of them gasp. Will finally realized we were there, he looked at me.

I felt myself moving towards the stairs, too numb to feel anything. I heard Cecily yelling at her brother behind me, but I couldn't make out any words. I felt someone out there arms around me. I thought it was Clary, because I saw a strand of red hair. I moved towards the stairs, and she helped me walk down them.

I was almost at the door, when I heard Will shout my name. I barely turned around, still too numb to feel anything. There was Will running down the stairs, his shirt on now. Cecily and Isabelle were watching from the top of the stairs.

"Tessa, I can explain." Will started frantically.

I couldn't even focus on what he was saying. All I could see was Tatiana on top of him, his hands running all over her body. I only stared him, and I somehow felt a tear run down my cheek. He kept talking, but I wasn't hearing any of it. I only turned around and walked towards Clary's car, her following. I got into it, and it was when she started driving, that I felt my heart breaking.

I started to sob, and I felt every part of my body tear open. Clary pulled over the car, and I cried. I cried and cried, until I almost couldn't breathe. The image of the two of them on Will's bed kept replaying in my mind. I cried even more, and Clary held my hand in silence.

How could he do that to me? Why would he do that to me? I knew that we weren't dating, but we were still something. I then realized how stupid I had been, thinking that this could work out. He was bound to break my heart, eventually. He used me, and they threw me to the side.

"How could he do that to me?" I whispered.

"I don't know." Clary said sadly.

"I deserve this." I whispered, a tear running down my cheek. "I agreed to his stupid deal, when it was wrong. He was using me, and I let him. Over and over."

"No, don't blame yourself, Tessa." She squeezed my hand.

"It's my fault." I said softly. "I knew this would happen, but I still didn't care. I wanted him so badly, and now I'm paying for it."

Clary only looked at me sadly.

"Can you take me home?" I asked shakily.

She nodded her head, and drove me home. We pulled up in front of my house, and few minutes later, and we both got out.

"I'll spend the night with you." Clary said, and I only nodded.

I unlocked the door, and we walked in. My aunt was already sleeping. We walked up to my room, and I closed it behind me. I sat down on my bed, and sat there numbly. Clary came and took a seat beside me, and put her arm around me.

I started to remember all of the nights we had spent together, and I couldn't stop it. His blue eyes gazing into my gray ones, his strong arms around me, his hair underneath my finger tips. I felt more tears well up in my eyes.

"He's broken me, Clary." I whispered.

"He's broken me."

Will's POV

I watched from the doorway, as Clary's car sped down the street, carrying Tessa. I felt my heart shatter, and I only stood there numbly. What had I just done? I hadn't meant to kiss Tatiana, she had forced herself into me, and then suddenly I couldn't stop. Never would I ever forget Tessa's expression when she saw us. It would haunt me for the rest of my life.

I numbly walked back inside, to see Jace, Cecily, and Isabelle standing there. Jace was frowning, and Isabelle looked sad. Cecily, however, looked furious.

"I can't believe you would do that to her!" She shouted angrily. "Really Will, when are you going to grow up and stop screwing around with every girl you see?!"

I only stood there, taking it, because I deserved it. I deserved every insult she said.

"Did you see her face?! You've wrecked her! You may not see it, but you mean a lot to her!" Cecily continued.

At my silence, she huffed and stormed away, and Isabelle followed. Jace walked up me, and put his hand on my shoulder.

"She'll come around, eventually." He said.

"I doubt it." I heard myself say.

I needed to get out of here. I turned around, and walked out of the door. I walked on the sidewalk. I didn't know where I was going, and I sure as hell didn't care. Anywhere was better in there. I was still so heart broken, that I didn't even feel the cold London air, that I knew was there.

Why was I such a screw up? That's what I was. I screwed up everyone's life. Everyone would be so much better off without me. Cecily and Tessa certainly must think so, I thought to myself. If it wasn't for me then maybe Ella.....I quickly pushed away the thought.

I didn't deserve anything or anyone. I could never have Tessa, especially after tonight. But even if we got past this, I could never have her. I was too broken. I wasn't capable of having someone close to me, and not hurting them. When Tessa found out what I had done, she wouldn't want me anyways.

Why was I even living? I brought sadness and destruction to everyone's lives. I was selfish, and arrogant, and I didn't deserve happiness or kindness. I deserved to be alone, and that was how I was going to end up.

I suddenly realized I was standing at the door of someone's house. It was Tessa's.