When We Collided

Chapter 20

It was two in the morning, and I laid in my bed. My eyes were swollen from all the tears I had cried, and I still felt numb. Clary was sound asleep next to me, but I couldn't get Will out of my head. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw his blue eyes and his smile. I turned onto my back, and sighed. Why did I have to love him so much? It wasn't fair.

Suddenly, I heard a knock at my front door. Who the hell could be knocking at this time? I silently padded downstairs, and opened the door. There was Will. In tight jeans, and a white t-shirt. He was a mess. His black hair was messy, and there were bags under his blue eyes.

"Tessa, please, can I talk to you?" He asked quietly.

Against my better judgement, I stepped outside with him, and closed the door behind me. He looked at me for a moment, and then took a deep breath.

"I'm so sorry, Tessa." Will started. "I don't know what I had been thinking. I didn't even want to kiss Tatiana, I--"

"How could you do that to me." I whispered.

He seemed shocked by my words. "Tessa, please I'm so sorry I--"

"I've fallen in love with you. " I whispered as a tear ran down my cheek.

Will froze. "W-what did you just say?"

"I've fallen in love with you." I said while I cried.

He looked frantic. "No, Tess, no you can't love me."

"Do you know what it felt like to see that, tonight." I cried.

Will remained silent, only looking at me painfully.

"I know that you don't love me back, but I can't believe you would do that to me." I said. "But I deserve it. I should have never agreed to your deal."

"No, Tessa--"

"It's off, Will. The deal is off. I'm done with you." I finished.

He looked dead. "You can't mean that."

"I do." A tear fell down my cheek. "Tonight was too much for me. I'm sorry, but I can't see you anymore."

Will looked lost. "Please Tessa, I'm so sorry. Please, let me make up for it."

I shook my head. "I can't anymore, Will. I just can't."

He swore, and turned away from me. I stood there, aching to forgive him and for him to touch me. I couldn't, though. I had to be strong. He turned to face me again, looking the most vulnerable I had ever seen him.

"So this is it, then." Will's eyes were blazing.

"It is." I said shakily.

Our eyes locked, and I couldn't look away. In his eyes, I saw all of our nights together, all of the times we had hung out, all the times he had made me laugh, the first time I had met him. Everything.

"Goodbye, Will." I said finally.

Before he could say anything, I walked back inside my house. As soon as I was, I collapsed to the floor and cried. Had I just done that? Had I really just said goodbye to the person I loved most in the world? Once I was finally finished, the sun was rising, and I felt numb.

What had I just done?

Will's POV

I watched as Tessa walked back inside her house.

Goodbye, Will.

I stood there, absolutely lost. Had I just let her do that? Had I really just said goodbye to the person I loved most in the world? And she loved me. Tessa loved me. How could she ever love me? I was selfish, and arrogant, and rude. I sunk down on the steps, and leaned my against her door. For the first time in three years, I felt tears well in my eyes.

Tessa was the only one who understood me, and now I had lost her. I lost her. I felt a tear run down my cheek, and I didn't even bother to wipe it away. I was such a screw up. Such a fuck up. I didn't know how to do anything right. I hated myself. Absolutely hated myself. I had broken her heart. Those tears on her face were caused by me. I couldn't think of anything more painful.

When I was finished crying, the sun was rising. I shakily stood up, and walked to the sidewalk. I started back to my house, the slowest I could possibly go. When I finally reached it and walked inside, I saw that it was still a mess. I didn't even care if my parents found our now. Hell, I deserved it if they did. I walked by Cecily's room, to see her out cold on her bed, still in her blue dress.

I slightly smiled, and walked into her room. Her black hair was all over the place, and her eyes were gently closed. I laid down beside her, and she stirred.

"Will?" She asked tiredly. "What are you doing here?"

"I--I don't know." I stuttered.

I only came and slept with her, when something was wrong. It had been that way ever since we had been kids. Every time I had been scared or something had been bothering me, I would come to Cecily's room, and she would always make me feel better. Figuring this, she opened her eyes and looked at me.

"Is it Tessa?" She asked quietly.

"She said she didn't want to see my anymore." I said, and I felt tears well in my eyes, but I blinked them away. "I'm such a screw up."

"Is that where you've been all night? At her house?"

"Sitting on her doorstep." I mumbled.

Her blue eyes widened in sympathy. "Oh Will, I'm sorry."

"I deserve this, you were right." I said numbly.

"You don't." Cecily took my hand. "You love her, don't you?"

I slowly nodded my head, and she slightly smiled.

"She'll forgive you, eventually. Don't worry, Will." She said.

I shook my head. "You didn't see her face when she said it. She meant it, Cecy."

She leaned over and hugged me. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't be, it's my fault." I sighed, but hugged her back.

We were silent for a few moments.

"Well, I love you, Will, even if she won't." Cecily said.

Somehow she always managed to bring a smile to my face, and I would be forever grateful for that.

"I love you too, Cecy."