When We Collided

Chapter 43

Aunt Harriet, Nate, and I arrived at Will's funeral, three days later. I was wearing a plain black dress, and my hair was flowing down shoulders. These had been the worst three days of my life. I had barely spoken a word. Cecily, Clary, Isabelle, Alec, Simon, Gabriel, and Jace all hung out one day but no one even said a word. We had all just sat there, silently. Cecily and Jace were broken. Absolutely broken.

I walked through the doors of the funeral home, and walked inside. Everyone was already sitting, and I walked over and embraced Jace. He hugged me back, and then I hugged Cecily. She looked miserable, just like Jace. She wasn't wearing any makeup, and she looked as if she hadn't slept in a week. We all took our seats, and then then it started. I didn't pay attention to the device, I only stared at his coffin.

After the service was over, Cecily and Jace went up and made a speech. This, I did pay attention to. They talked about their childhood with Will, and what he had been like. At one point Cecily had to stop, and sit back down, and Jace finished the speech. Linette went up.

"Next, Tessa Gray will be making a speech." She announced, weakly.

I slowly got up, and took her place. I had asked to do this. I looked at everyone, and cleared my throat.

"Um, hi I'm Tessa Gray, and I am--was Will's girlfriend." That was the easiest way to put it. "I met Will six months ago, though before that, I had been in love with him for five years. I had thought he was just the schools bad boy, who loved trouble. But when I met him properly, I realized that he was much much more. Will was caring, and funny, and he had the type of smile that lit up an entire room." Tears were now streaming down my face. "But most importantly, he would do anything for the people he loved. He taught me how to live, and with him I really felt alive. There won't be a day that goes by, that I don't miss him, and pray to see his face again. Will, I love you so much, thank for everything." I finished.

I shakily sat back down, and almost lost it again. The rest of the afternoon was a blur. I had to look away, when they buried him. Before we all left to go home, Cecily stopped me. She handed me an envelope.

"We found this yesterday." She said, and hugged me, and then walked away.

Nate, aunt Harriet, and I all then went home. I shut myself in my room and took off my dress, and changed into my pyjamas. I sat on my bed, and took out a piece of paper out of the envelope. I started to read. It was dated the day he "broke up" with me.

Dear Tess,
Tess, Tess, Tessa, was there ever a more beautiful sound than your name? It haunts me in my sleep, and in my every waking moment. I am stupid, Tessa. So, so stupid. I've let you go, because I'm afraid. Afraid of what? I'll finally tell you why. Cecily and I had an older sister. Her name was Ella and she was eight years older than us. She was basically an older version of Cecy, and we both adored her. One day, when I had been fourteen and she had been twenty-two, she drove me to my football game. Of course, being me, I kept teasing her and annoying her. She got so annoyed, that she looked at me, and started to scold me. When she looked back at the road, it was too late. We crashed into another car. She was rushed to the hospital, but she didn't make it. And it was my fault. All my fault. I killed my sister.

Everyone told me it wasn't my fault, but it was. Ever since then, I've hated myself. I didn't let anyone get close to me, and used girls to take my mind off of it. I thought I could never love, or be loved. And then you came along. That day you hit in me the back with that bloody volleyball, was probably the best day of my life, because I got to meet the girl that was Tessa Gray.

I fell in love with you, within the first day of knowing you. I couldn't love you, though, I would only hurt you like I had hurt Ella. So I suggested being friends with benefits, because I knew that was the closest we could get to dating. Each day I fell more and more in love with you. No one made me laugh, like you did. No one made me happy, like you did. You showed me what it felt like to live again, and I am forever grateful for that. But now, I've let you go. But I had to, Tess, I had to. I can't risk hurting you.

If this is the end of us, then I want you to know something. I love you so bloody much, that it hurts. You once said that I could say anything to you and you'd do it, well it's the exact same for me. I would and will do anything for you, Tessa. Whatever you want, I'll do it. You're my everything. You're the ground I walk on, and the air breath. I completely and fully belong to you, and I will till the day I die, and even after. You've changed my life, and no matter what happens to us, I'll always be thankful. Thankful that you, this beautiful gray eyed girl, came into my life.

You're thoughtful, funny, kind, but also brave and strong. You are the epitome of all things good, I hope you remember that. I love you so much, Tessa. So much.

Yours forever,

Will.

I re read the letter over and over. After ur was burned into my mind, I just laid on my numbly and cried my eyes out. That was the sweetest thing anyone had said to me.

Please come back to me, Will.