When We Collided

Chapter 40

I walked into school on Monday, barely holding myself together. Yesterday, I had gone home after breakfast, and locked myself in my bedroom. I had wished a billion times that Will would climb through my bedroom window, and say what a big mistake he had made. He never came. I didn't even care about the sex, I just wanted to be with him. Just to be in his presence was a blessing in itself. I walked up to my locker, to see Clary, Cecily, and Isabelle. They were all regarding me sadly, and I tried my best to smile, but I couldn't.

"How are you?" Isabelle asked softly.

"I've been better." I mumbled, and sighed. "Is he here today?"

Cecily looked away from me. "Yeah, he is."

"You know Tessa, we don't have to sit with boys today at lunch if you don't want." Isabelle offered.

I waved it off. "It's fine. I'll just have to get used to it."

"Good, because they're all coming over here right now." Clary looked at me worriedly.

I took a deep breath, and I heard Jace's deep voice. I turned around, and smiled at them, avoiding Will's gaze. Everyone started talking, and against my will, my eyes flicked over to him. Will was studying the floor, looking lost in thought. He his eyes had dark bags under them, and he looked like he hadn't slept in awhile. I looked away from him, and dug my nails into my palm.

The bell rang, and Cecily and I walked to History. Thankfully, Will sat on the other side of the room, so I didn't have to talk to him. Gym was just a big game of avoid Will. I clung to Clary's side, but I felt his eyes on me a few times. At one point, I brushed past him, and I had tensed immediately. Soon, we were all sitting in the cafeteria for lunch, and Will was at across from me. Like always.

"There's a dance coming up." Isabelle started casually.

"Ooh, that'll be fun, right Tessa?" Cecily tried to make me join the conversation.

I barely smiled. "Yeah."

She looked at me, sadly, and so did everyone else. I was sick of this. I was sick of having them looking at me as if I was an injured puppy. I knew they didn't mean it like that, but it still annoyed me. I only gritted my teeth, and looked away from them. I looked up to see Will staring at me. I then suddenly stood up.

"I need air." I muttered.

I stormed out, and walked outside. I threw myself down on a rock, and I felt someone come up behind me. I turned, to see Clary. She was frowning.

"Hey, you okay?" She asked gently.

"No." I said. "I don't know what to do, Clary. I'm miserable without him. I'm nothing."

Clary sighed, and hugged me. "Don't worry, he'll come around. He'll miss you too much."

"He said he loved me." I whispered. "He loves me, Clary."

She looked at me in surprise. "Really?"

"Yeah." I whispered. "He won't tell me why he let me go."

She sighed. "I'm so sorry, Tessa."

I felt tears spring in my eyes. "I am too."

Will's POV

I watched as Tessa got up and walked out of the cafeteria. I stood to go after her, but I felt a hand on my arm. It was Clary.

"Let me." She said.

I sat down, as she followed Tessa. My heart ached, and all I wanted to do was to go after Tessa. I was dying without her, I hadn't been able to sleep at all. I had to let her go, though, before this got too far. I'd never forget her face when I told her, I loved her. Couldn't she tell? Wasn't I obvious about it? I snapped out of my trance, to see everyone looking at me sadly.

"What?" I said, looking away from them.

"Why'd you end it?" Cecily asked. "It's obvious you're in love with her."

"You know why, Cecily." I muttered.

She sighed. "Will, it wasn't your fault, you need to move on, I--"

"I can't." I snapped. "If it had of been you, you'd be the same as me."

"And are you happy now? Look what you're putting her through." She said.

"What about me? Do I look happy you?" I demanded. "I don't want this, okay? It's just something that has to happen, before I do something to hurt her."

"And you think she's not hurting now?" Cecily shot back.

We were both like that, short tempered and we both had a sharp tongue.

"Cecily, drop it." I snapped.

"I'm only saying this because I love you, Will." She sighed frustratedly.

"That's just the problem." I said, as the bell rang. "I can't be loved."

I then stormed off, and to my locker. I annoyedly got my books, and stomped to Chemistry, to where I would have to sit beside Tessa. I took my seat, and a few minutes, she walked through the door. She slowly took her seat, avoiding my eyes. She looked as if she had been crying, and stab of pain shot through me. That's because of me, I thought. Class started, and I couldn't pay attention to what our teacher was saying. About halfway through class, my hand brushed Tessa's. We both immediately tensed.

"Sorry." She muttered.

"It's fine." I choked out.

How badly I wanted to kiss her. To feel her skin on mine. It wasn't even the sex, though, just to be in her presence was a blessing in itself. I looked over at her, to find her already looking at me. Our gazes locked, and I couldn't look away. Her eyes were a stormy gray, and I was lost in them. She quickly looked away, and my trance was broken. I looked forward again, and sighed.

Why had I let her go?