How to Help Howell?

Part 18

Phil's POV

I sighed as I stepped off the bus and onto the street below. I tried my best to forget about the girl that I had dropped everything to be with...including Dan. My jaw dropped.

DAN.

I sprinted as fast as I could to the flat. I can't believe I treated him so poorly yesterday! And that was the night I was going to ask him to be my boyfriend! Was he ok?

I ran even faster. I don't know what I would do if I found him in a similar position than he was in last time...the image of Dan face down in that red bath water still haunted me.

I finally got to the flat after what felt like hours of running. I burst open the door, since Dan didn't lock it the previous night and ran inside.

"Dan?" I yelled. Of course, no answer. The first place I checked was the bathroom.

Thankfully, the door was unlocked. I turned the handle and slowly opened the door, afraid of what was on the other side.

I saw Dan sitting on the floor with a box cutter in his hand- How did he get that? The bandages on his arms from a couple days ago had been taken off and thrown next to him. Dan was staring off into space, probably not even aware that I was standing next to him.

I knelt at his side, gently gripping his wrists to see nothing but healing wounds.

I turned to him. He looked at me with a blank expression, looking completely miserable. I couldn't help but throw my arms around him. He did not hug back.

I just held him for a while, sitting on the bathroom floor and rocking back and forth every once and a while. I couldn't believe I disregarded Dan's feelings so easily the night before. I acted as if he were no more than a piece of garbage and pretty much ignored him completely! I was just thankful that Dan didn't harm himself again.

After 5 minutes of just me holding onto Dan for dear life, I finally looked up at him. His face looked just as blank and absent as it had when I found him. He looked exhausted.

I looked him straight in the eyes and he did the same.

"Dan, have you been sitting here since you got home last night?" I asked.

He looked at the bathtub, away from me, in thought. He nodded his head.

Realizing he was still holding something extremely dangerous, I gently too his left hand and pulled the disgusting piece of metal that almost took away my friend.

Friend?

Is that all I thought of him now? The boy I had fallen in love with? Did I even love him in the first place? I pushed my thoughts aside as I threw the blade into the toilet and pushed the lever, flushing it forever.

I leaned over Dan, putting one arm around his back and the other under his legs by the knees and carried him into his room.

I placed him down gently on the edge of his bed while I pushed back the covers. Picking him up again, I placed him in the spot where he usually slept. I pulled up the covers over his cold body.

I kissed his cheek and cupped his face with my hand.

"Get some rest, okay, love?"

I stood up and started to walk away.

"No,"

I heard a voice behind me. That was the first thing he said since I got here. I turned to face him and see what he was talking about.

"Stay," he said simply, showing the tiniest bit of desperation behind his eyes, the first emotion I've seen him show all morning.

I walked over to the other side of the bed and crawled under the covers and snuggled up with Dan, letting him drift off to sleep.

A haunting thought crossed my mind...

I hadn't even apologized to Dan yet.

But my brain came up with an even more terrifying afterthought.

Was I even sorry?