How to Help Howell?

Part 37

Phil

A light atmosphere surrounded me and I saw nothing but brightness. It was all cheery and I felt rather happy. But all of a sudden, a large black shadowy figure loomed over me. He made a shiver travel down my spine and sent a chill right to my bones. I tried to run away, but I couldn't. This unknown black figure was rendering me immobile and all I could do was stay still.

I felt the figure's cold presence as it reached out a pseudopod-like appendage towards me. I felt the frigid touch of the figure as it made contact with my skin, it's...hands(?) travelling up and down my body. I tried to scream out for help, but I couldn't talk either. The yell got caught in the back of my throat as the figure teased me and taunted me until I felt so annoyed that I wanted to rip its head off. Which I, of course, couldn't.

The figure removed it's hands from me and quickly shoved me backwards. I fell through air, space, and time, until I came to a scene that was forever burned into my brain.

It was Dan floating face-down in our bathtub, drowning in the water tainted red with his own blood. I stared at Dan for a few moments until he started to change. His form grew a little taller, his clothes got brighter, and his hair got darker. Dan had transformed, it was no longer himself  drowning in that bathtub.

It was me.

Before I had any time to question what that scene meant, I was blown backwards and travelled again to a different scene. It was a field littered with stones stuck into and sticking out of the ground. I saw a couple trees and maybe a rabbit or two running about.

I turned around to see a bunch of people wearing black and crying softly, wiping their eyes with tissues and trying not to cause a scene. They were in the middle of a ceremony. Someone stood up by a podium and was giving some sort of speech, I guess. The person giving the speech then reached his hand out and gestured towards me.

I turned around again to find a closed casket, ready for burial.

I was in a graveyard.

And I was attending someone's funeral.

I felt the cold and rough impact of the shadow figure's extremities on me again, but this time, it pushed my shoulder blades forward from behind. Instead of falling backwards like the previous two times, I was falling forwards, unable to catch my breath and waited for the crash landing.

I was falling and falling, tumbling through the air, heart racing with anticipation. After 30 seconds, which to me felt like a half hour, I finally hit something.

My bed.

I opened my eyes and I was awake.

After shaking off the intense dream, I looked around my room and Dan was sitting on the foot of my bed, now grinning widely at my revival from the deep sleep I was in.

"I'll go make you some breakfast, yeah?" he asked. I nodded appreciatively and he went on his way to the kitchen.

I reached over to my nightstand to find my box of tissues empty. Really feeling the need to blow my nose, I got up and went into the bathroom closet.

I opened the small white door to the cupboard crammed with towels, tissues, and toilet paper. But there was one addition to the arsenal that I had completely forgotten about.

I removed the package of box cutter blades from the closet and closed the door.

I took out a single blade from the package and turned it over in my hands. Over and over again. The metal was cool and refreshing, after a while of intense sweating and crying.

The dream came to mind. What did it mean? Was I supposed to end up dead, just as Dan had tried to be a few months ago? The blade had already comforted me from the thought of the whole Matt incident. Maybe just pressing it into my arm a little bit couldn't hurt.

The sharp end of the blade made it's way to my forearm, pressure applied, but not used to slice. It hurt, of course, but it was a different kind of pain. It was controlled pain. You don't get much of that in the real world.

"Phil, where are you? I made you some pancakes and eggs and toast and I got your favorite orange juice and HURRY UP THE TRAY IS HEAVY!"

I giggled at Dan's silliness and put the blade back in the package. Then, I returned the blades to their rightful place.

The garbage can. Buried deep down so no one could ever get to them.

Those blades would never see the light of day ever again. Because who needs blades when you have a Dan to take away all of the pain for you?

"Coming, Dan! I'm just getting more tissues!" I grabbed a new box from the cabinet and went back to my room to spend the rest of the morning eating pancakes with Dan.