How to Help Howell?

Part 27

Dan

You can ensure that it was one heck of an awkward car ride home. Phil was scared to say anything to me and I was just so drained that I didn't want to say anything at all, which I guess kinda worked out. 

We got home and I immediately crashed on the couch, falling into a deep slumber.

Phil

As soon as Dan's face hit the soft cushion, I knew it would be lights out for him for a while, so I thought of what I could do when he woke up. All of a sudden, a thought appeared in my head that hadn't even crossed my mind for years.

But, nevertheless, I thought it would be a nice surprise for Dan, so I searched through the "closet" that both me and Dan have decided is actually a black hole, for my new plan.

I grabbed the slender piece of wood once my eyes had fell upon it and tried not to send an avalanche of old papers, props, and missing socks tumbling after me.

I went into my room and balanced the item on my lap, getting used to its odd shape like I did once when I was 15. I racked my brain trying to remember where my fingers should go.

My calloused fingertips pressing the thick metal strings onto the neck, I felt something in my mind click as I brought my right hand down over the lower part of the string, resulting in a low hum of the familiar D chord. I smiled to myself, knowing that this might just work.

Dan

After at least 6 hours, I woke up with a stiff neck, crusty eyes, and a foggy memory, which I figured was for the best. Trying not to remember too much, I just decided to head off to Phil's room.

I was completely surprised to see his old guitar sitting on his lap. He had quit what seemed like forever ago, but here it was, emitting some melodic chord as Phil smiled widely at my shocked face.

"Dan, come sit here," Phil waved him over and then gestured to the bed. I obediently spread out on his bright purple bedsheets that always smelled like freshly cleaned linens. Phil started to play the beginning of a song that I recognised instantly. The last time I had heard this song was...I closed my eyes. I thought I was done crying for the day, but perhaps not.

Phil's sweet voice then rang throughout the entire room, lighting it up with the melodic tune and his bright voice.

"I've heard that you've been

Self-medicating in the quiet of your room,

Your sweet suburban tomb.

But if you need a friend,

I'll help you stitch up your wounds.

I've heard that you've been

Having some trouble finding your place in the world.

I know how much that hurts.

But if you need a friend,

Please, just say the word.

You've come this far, you're all cleaned up, you've made a mess again.

There's no more trying, time to sort yourself out.

Hold on tight, this ride is a wild one.

Make no mistake, the day will come when you can't cover up what you've done.

Now, don't lose your fight, kid.

It only takes a little push to pull on through.

With so much left to do,

You'll be missing out and we'll be missing you."

"Remember that song?" Phil asked. I nodded my head as a river of pure sorrow, and bits of intertwined memories from the tragedy 12 years ago poured down my face. The flood of endless pain left my eyes and cascaded through the landscapes of my face leaving me incapable of speaking.

"I ha-haven't heard that si-since Caspar," I was able to stutter out. Phil wrapped his arms tight around me as I remembered all of the memories behind that song.

"That w-was his f-favorite!" I sobbed out. Phil hugged me tighter.

"I know, Dan, I know. That's why I played it." He reassured me with his calming voice.

"I guess with him being gone for 12 whole years you would think I'd be over it by now..." I mumbled, feeling like a shell of a man that could barely hold back tears from the slightest reference to something from Twelve. Years. Ago. I felt like a failure.

"Dan, you never get over someone committing suicide. Especially not your little brother."

I let out a huge sob once again, feeling myself shaking deep down throughout my entire being.

"That's why I played that song. Not to remind you of Caspar's death by suicide, but to show you that no one forgets. No one ever stops mourning and no one ever stops missing you. I love you so much, Dan. I would never be able to get over it if you killed yourself."

Tears started to fall at a much more steady and silent pace as I broke the hug to look at Phil's face. His eyes were tearing up as well. He planted a kiss, soft and supple, upon my slightly parted lips.

"Don't ever leave me, Dan." he whispered in my ear after we parted.