How to Help Howell?

Part 25

Dan's POV

I don't know what I'm going to do. Since Phil and I became official, I have been more happy, but not completely fixed altogether. Something has been broken inside me that Phil alone can't even fix.  I act optimistic around him for his sake, but on the inside I'm screaming. I'm just so unhappy with myself and am so restless. I just want to hurt myself all the time. But no one would understand that because it's not normal. So I keep it all bottled up, letting it slowly destroy my soul.

I do a pretty good job of hiding it, but Phil is really good at trying to keep me safe. Of course it's not his fault. It's anyone's but his fault.

I need to make a change soon or else it's going to destroy me.

Just thinking about it has made me start to hyperventilate. I stand up, grab my jacket, and run out the door mumbling something close to, "I'll be right back," for the confused Phil staring at me with wide eyes.

I run to the car, get in, and just start driving. Since I'm not really in full focus, I just let my instincts drive me where they think is the best place. I get lost in my thoughts and I'm just aching to get away until the car stops. I look out the window to see the extremely tall building that I make a point to stop and marvel at when I'm on my way to the radio station. I park and make my way into the building.

I wait for the elevator and am pleasantly surprised to have it all to myself. I press the button for the highest floor and decide to make my way from there.

Once the chamber stops and makes a ding I step out and start to walk down the long hallway. After some frantic searching, I finally stumble upon a door that reads, "ROOF EXIT, EMPLOYEES ONLY" in big block letters.

I open the door and climb the ladder to find myself atop the tall building overlooking the city. I look out at the world and feel everything around me slow down. I close my eyes and just feel myself breathe.

After just a couple seconds of this I grow tired of the disgusting sound of my breath passing through my lips. I'm tired of living.

I walk to the edge of the roof and get a better view of this city that I call home. Then I look down and really start to notice how high up I am. I could simply just lean forward too far and stop existing. Just like that.

My fragile, sad excuse for a life could be ended that quickly and easily.

Every voice that has ever insulted me echoes inside my head. Countless people in real life and on the Internet have expressed thousands of times how much better life would be without me.

I look up to the sky to see it clear as day, so peaceful and welcoming. If I just lean forward a bit, yeah, I would fall, but then I might get the chance to fly up there.

I feel my body slowly lean forward centimeters at a time...until I begin to hear footsteps behind me.