The Fourth Roommate

Family Moment

I was sitting in a small meadow, I'd been coming there since I was a kid, picking flowers and pretending I was a princess about to be ridden off into the sunset. I had been a girly day-dreamer as a child, and I wouldn't lie and say I'd progressed since then. Ipi wasn't crying, I thought I was done crying about people I could not change.

I heard the rustle of leaves behind me and I fully expected to see Zac, as always, bounding up to me to make me happy again. I wasn't sure what I'd done to deserve such a good friend, but I fully appreciated it. However when I turned, instead I saw my mom. My shoulders sagged in disappointment. I was not in the mood to be told off.

Mom sat down next to me, sighing a little as she did so. I braced myself for the speech about how I should've done better but nothing came. I looked at her, my curiosity heightened.

"I think you need to say some things to me," my mom finally said, pulling her knees to her chest, "some things you should get off your chest."

"You let me down."

My mom swallowed and I felt hot and uncomfortable. Above all, I felt guilty. It was true, she had let me down, but I had never ever been so forward with my mom before. My mom had always had the upper hand and we never really talked about our relationship, even before dad died. But it had needed to be said. I couldn't deal with the constant tension between my mom and I, it wasn't how it was meant to be.

"Your dad and I... We promised each other that no matter what, we would always be there for the you girls," my tough and stoic mom was crumbling at the edges, tears in her eyes, "and we both let you down. Your daddy left you and I shut you out."

"Dad died," I said, "he didn't do it on purpose."

My mom pressed her knuckles to her cheeks, breathing fast, "of course he didn't do it on purpose. But when he left, I was so mad. I had two young girls to feed, bills to pay and this hole in my heart which downright almost consumed me. I was mad at him for leaving and I hated myself for feeling that way. So I just tried to turn it all off."

I wrapped an arm around her shoulder, thinking back and realizing how tough it had been for her . My mom pressed her face to my shoulder before moving away again and smiling and shaking her head, as if in wonder of something. Perhaps I had something in my teeth, I thought, seeing as my mom hardly ever paid anyone a look such as that.

"You are so much like your dad. Selena is far more like me, I suppose, we can both be very selfish. You, on the other hand, are selfless and kinder than both of us put together. I guess I don't know how to relate to you like I do with Selena and because of that I get so scared that you'll forget about your old, selfish mom. That's why I hated you moving so much."

It was the most honest she'd ever been with me and it made me cry, because it meant so much. It didn't deserve to be called selfless but it was such a lovely thing to have been said. Things between us weren't fixed, and I supposed it was going to take a long time before they would be, but the conversation that had taken place had already saved our relationship in more ways than I could count. We hugged and I pressed my face into her chest like I did when I was little, feeling safe and warm.

"I love you, mom, and I would never ever forget about you. You're the strongest, bravest woman I have ever met," I whispered.

"I promise you, Serena, I will try my hardest not to let you down again. And do you think, maybe some time in the future.... I could visit you in your new home with the boys?"

A smile broke across my face. "Please do."

***

When we came home, Jane and Zac were watching a lifetime movie with corny music floating up to an emotional climax. To be honest, the scene with my mom probably would have fitted right into a lifetime movie though, I snorted at the thought. Jane looked up at the sound and bounded over, giving me a hug.