"I'm here. I'm really here" I look up at the hotel in obvious awe. I feel at home here, like everything is falling into place. Obviously, that feeling is very short lived. "Berry, I know this is where you're meant to be and crap but please, stop daydreaming. We've got something to win" Santana says strutting past. I'm not mad at her anymore, I mean, I should be but I just can't. Quinn and I are not currently talking. Well, technically she's talking but I'm just not listening. "Rach, breakfast at Tiffany's, 8 sharp tomorrow" Kurt says stiffly into my ear before walking away as if nothing was said. I laugh slightly, only Kurt. I am going to miss everyone but I'm fairly certain it's time for a fresh start.
"Guys, practice at 10 in the ballroom, okay? Then you're free but you do not and I repeat do not, leave this hotel, understand? You do not leave until we all leave tomorrow for the competition" Fat chance of that, Mr Shue. "C'mon Berry!" It's Santana. I smile, thinking of how in a few weeks I'll crave to hear that. My smile, however, is gone instantly as I catch Finns eyes. I feel empty, broken.
It's for the best.
It's for the best.
It's for the best.
It doesn't help but if I say it enough times, it'll feel true enough.
"Rachel I-" I walk away. I know his words will crack me. It's safer to walk away.
The room is plain. I mean, it has all the necessary facilities and stuff but it's just empty. "Rachel, can we talk?" I look at Quinn, I should feel angry or something but I just feel empty. "Please?" She sounds broken, is that because of me? Wait, no, Puck. "Quinn I'm sorry!" I say before flinging myself at her. I don't know why I did that, but I'm thankful I did. "No! I'm sorry!" She says holding me tighter. "I'm sorry too!" Santana says hugging the two of us. Before I know it, were all huddled on the bed, crying. "I didn't mean to kiss him, honestly" Santana says. I think we're all on drugs or something. We're all crying and talking about feelings, it's so weird. "I'm sorry, Rachel. I just love Puck and he's my one and I screwed up" She says leaning her head on my shoulder. "Then go. Go and get him. Now." I order, pushing her off the bed. Santana and I push her out the room, laughing through tears. "You too, Berry" Santana says shoving me lightly. "No. No. I'm moving. I can't. It's not fair" I start to ramble, spewing the excuses I've given myself over the last few days. "Rachel, for once, shut up and listen to your heart instead of your head, okay? Trust me." Santana quickly heads to the bathroom. I'm suddenly regretting those brownies that Puck gave out on the bus.
Trust me.
Listen to your heart.
Right, okay, I can do that. Listen. Listen.
C'mon. C'mon. Give me something. Anything.
I close my eyes and think about every happy and bad moment. The first kiss, the first 'I love you', Quinn being pregnant, me cheating. Everything. It all hits me at once. I'm smiling but I can feel the salty tears.
My eyes snap open and I'm through the door before I realise. Finn. It all makes sense. I can't move away. I love him. I knock quickly before stepping back and wiping under my eyes. I look back up to see a concerned Finn. "Finn I-" He turns back into the room and brings back a bottle of water. "I'm ready. I'm ready." He says holding his hands up. I look at the clock behind me. It's 10. Talk about bad timing. "Finn I-" Again, I'm cut off.
"Do you want to have dinner with me tonight?" It's a blurt, obviously. I nod eagerly anyway. He smiles and we make out to practice. "Wait. Finn I need to say something. I-" Once again, the words don't have a chance to leave my mouth. "Rachel, Finn! Finally. Let's get started!" Mr Shue shouts before making a general hand gesture. I sigh before making my way over. For nationals, we've got a solo (me), a duet (Quinn and Santana) and a group performance with Finn and I as the leaders. "Let's Practice the group performance!"
After practice I try to tell Finn the truth but I'm always getting interrupted. Is that a sign?
"It's not a sign, Rachel" Kurt says, coming to stand next to me. "But-" I start "No! Tell him. He at least deserves that. You are breaking his heart. Again. I love you Rachel but open your eyes, will you?" I blink away tears. I look to Finn. He looks like...like...like me. Empty.
YOU ARE READING
Finchel- What if?
FanfictionI can't help but think what if? I feel as if ignoring the past it better and ignoring the what ifs I can do this ALONE, maybe not! I don't need him I don't think I ever did...but I want him.
