Ryan Ross Imagines [✔️]

#5: So Long and Goodnight(Cancer part 2)

A/N: I recommend listening to "The End Of All Things" by Panic! At the Disco (this whole chapter is in Ryan's POV)

      It's been 3 weeks since y/n died and I feel like complete shit. Today is her funeral.

"Ok, Ryan, keep it together today. Do not cry in front of everyone." I said aloud to myself

      I repeated those words over and over again in my head until I just broke down in tears.

Why her? Why, why, why!!

      How was I going to live without her? The past 3 weeks have been worse than hell for me. I cried myself to sleep every night and I cried whenever I thought of y/n.

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     At y/n's funeral I kept it together. But it was at her burial that I cried again. Thank god Brendon, Spencer and Jon were there. If they weren't I probably would've forced someone to bury me with y/n.

"Ryan, it's going to be ok." Jon said

"But it won't!" I cried

"Don't worry Ryan, we'll help you through this." Spencer assured

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      Writing songs was getting difficult and Jon left Panic! to start his own band. I was so depressed. I managed to write one song with Brendon and Spencer. It was called "Nearly Witches" it was even going on the new album. But being a part of Panic! was getting difficult for me.

"Um, Brendon. Spencer. I- I'm leaving the band." I hesitantly said

"Ry, you can't just quit on us now, we're in the middle of making a new album." Brendon protested

"I'm sorry. But after y/n dying and Jon leaving, I just can't write songs the way I used to. I'm really sorry." I said as a few tears rolled down my cheeks

"Maybe I'll come back one day." I said

"It's ok Ryan. We understand." Spencer patted me on the back

      After another few minutes if talking to Brendon and Spencer, I went home. I walked into the front door and it was so quiet. I hated it. I wanted to come home to y/n playing music on her iPod or her watching tv or just her. I'm so depressed without her.

      I went outside to get my mail from my mailbox.

Junk, junk, sympathy card, sympathy card, bill, ju- what the?

      The mail was mainly sympathy cards and junk but one envelope caught my eye. It was from the hospital. I sat down on the couch in the living room and opened the letter.

'Dear Mr Ross,

We found this letter addressed to you from y/n in the hospital room she was in. Please take care.

Sincerely,
The Greenwood Hospital'

I saw the other letter folded neatly into thirds and it had my name written on it

'My dearest Ryan,

I know you hated when I would talk about me dying but I knew it was coming. I will miss you. I'm very weak and I used all of my energy to write this for you. I will always love you Ryan. Please don't forget me.

Lots of love,
Y/n'

      I cried as I read her letter. She used her last energy on me. I will never forget her. Her radiant smile, caring personality, great sense of humor, everything. I will love her forever and always.