"Standards" -Joshler

•Eleven•

I couldn't stop, I couldn't hold myself back.

And it happened, I was alone, I had nothing. Everything was closing in yet there was nothing

Nothing

My heart wrenched and I spluttered, I needed something. Someone. But I couldn't think straight

Someone will see me like this. Stupid stupid stupid

I needed help

I couldn't breathe

I cradled myself, and as I rocked my body back and forward.I knew the pain that had caused it

Tyler

Tyler. I didn't even know Tyler that well and I was having a panic attack over him?

He hates me

I latched onto the swing and pulled my self up. I was weak, I couldn't breathe yet I was trying to move.

My ribs where going to concave and pierce everything inside of me, at least that's what it felt like

The ground hit me harder then it ever has before, it was cold and it soaked up my tears and screams

Until I felt something, someone

I wanted to pull away but I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe.

I was over their shoulder, they had my note book. I couldn't see anything, my tears stung my overflowing barriers

It came into view and I knew where I was

That was where Tyler had offered me a drink. This was Brendon's neighbour hood

But we weren't going into Brendon's

We where going into Tyler's

------------------

I woke up to a pastel grey room with black band posters and words painted messily over the walls. My head hurt bad and my eyes stung bad too.

I sat up, I was in my boxers.

What the fuck?

The last thing I could remember was someone carry-

"Josh, you awake?"

The voice was croaky and dented. All I could hear was sadness and illness.

Did they.. See them?

"Y-yeah! I-Uhm. Who are you?" I already knew who it was but I was in denail

Tyler poked his head through the door, he looked pale. I gasped slightly and got up

"Josh what are you doing?"

I soon realised I had my hands cupped around his face

And I had pressed a kiss onto his forehead

"Tyler, I'm sorry, too soon. I-"

"You have a nice ass by the way"

There it is, Mr.FuckboyJoseph!

"How are you not gay? I bet you wanna touch it" I turned laughing, climbing back into his bed. I ignored the question that continued to persist in my mind

"But, I did" his smile was weak, he was weak

"What's wrong"

A silence came between them

"It's.. I just realised you where gone and I took a walk.."

I nodded

"And I saw you, at first you where writing and you started screaming... And then you just burst into tears"

I nodded again

"And I saw you get up and fight for your breathe and fall again. I realised how much we are alike.. So I took you home, and then I rode your bike back"

"It was a panic attack, I'm sorry"

We stayed in the silence for a little while until he lifted his head up to look at me eagerly

"Can we cuddle?" Tyler eyes lit up and I patted the space next to me and he snuggled into my chest

I love you Tyler

"Goodnight, Josh"

"Goodnight, Ty"

Used to play pretend, used to play pretend

Funny

Used to play pretend, wake up you need to make money

YEE