"Standards" -Joshler

•Seventeen•

Josh's PoV
I woke up, but I kept my eyes shut. I never wanted to wake up

And I could feel his presence and I could practically hear the dark crackle of the T.V distortion

After minutes that seemed to turn into hours, I forced myself to open my eyes. The white blare of lights flooded into my pupils and a dark body came into view

His hair was brown and fluffy, he looked sleep deprived and ill

"Josh?" His voice wasn't a voice, it was a weak croak. As my double vision flickered into one and the blurriness subsided I gasped slightly

"Tyler.."

I couldn't physically say anything else. Everything ached and I was so emotionally drained of the bliss I had

All I could do was smile, so that's what I did

"Why are you smiling? I hurt you"

A swirl of guilt bombarded my stomach and my smile subsided. I couldn't answer

"Josh say something please?" The fragile mess fell to the floor, holding onto the hospital bed. All I could sense was dread

Fear

"I didn't mean to I just.." Tyler began crying into the bed sheets and I couldn't do anything. I couldn't comfort him. I looked at myself, I was hooked onto life support and a blood machine. This wasn't me

"I.." I tried to say something, anything

"You? You hate me?"

I shook my head slowly, trying to raise my hand. I slipped it out of the covers, wincing in pain, and took Tyler's chin into my hand

"Love"

----

A few days had past, I was alone for most parts of the day. They gave me drugs to take him away after I told them I had a voice in my head. They made me dreary and tired.

Tyler stayed everynight, we slept together. His friends where all worried apparently. I asked about mine and he didn't know. No one had visited. It broke my heart

I was cradled into Tyler's arms, we had McDonald's

"Please tell them to see me" my voice cracked

"I will, I promise. I love you" Ty pressed a soft kiss onto my forehead. He'd bought me pens and pretty nail vanish so when I felt like doing anything I could distract myself

"I was thinking when we got back we could like, learn an instrument together?" I fumbled to grab a chicken nugget, popping into my mouth

"Well I know ukulele, you know drums. I know piano. We could learn the trumpet?" Tyler's soft broken chocolate eyes brightened up and we both giggled

"When did you learn ukulele?" I asked, tugging at his jumper. I cuddled into him a little more

"Since I was little. I, Uhm, wrote you a song" he laughed slightly

I let out an ooo in awe

We finished the food and chatted until we fell asleep

----

Apparently I'll be out tommorow, it's funny because I feel the worst

Patrick came to see me but no one else did. He said Brendon didn't even want to see me. Dallon had fallen out with everyone

And I knew why, it was obvious. He found out about the kiss. The stupid fucking kiss

And I'd have to match some standards so I could hang with my own boyfriend

It was 2pm, Tyler would come in a hour. He looked so much healthier. I saw life in him again but I was so afraid he was going to treat me like shit again at school.

I had Patrick but he was equally alone now

My mum constantly visited, my dad worked a lot so couldn't. My mum did too but, she just finished as soon as she could

I had my paper and pen

I had written a lot

But it was small things like

Go away

Leave me alone

Don't leave me alone

I couldn't produce what I wanted it to be, I couldn't place the sentences

It often ended up as

Placing the pieces

Look at my scars for reasons

And that was it. I couldn't do anymore

I rested my head back, drifted my eyes closed.

-----

It does bug me sometimes. Knowing what Tyler did with Debby

She called my baby boy daddy for fucks sake

10 minutes until my only gets here

I've named him that because once we are done, I've had enough of being broken.

He's gay right? I swear he said that

He probably just wanted sex

He could've asked

GUESS WHO JUST SIGNED UP FOR AN ANXIETY TEST BY ACCIDENT

LMAO FUCK MY LIFE AHHH