"Standards" -Joshler

•Ten•

I just read who-said-joshler ttyl and it's really good and you should read it buT IM SOBBING/RAGING ?¿??¿¿

It was Friday, tomorrow was Saturday. I was going to eat with Tyler. I didn't understand what he was doing, I felt like he was using me but at the same time I wanted to believe he liked me. When he broke down in my arms I didn't know what to do

I couldn't be bothered to deal with school so I made my Mum/Mom/whatever the fuck British people call them make the school put me down as ill. I'd been thinking too much and I needed to get away so that's what I did

I took my bike and began aimlessly peddling. I went down roads I didn't even know existed and I landed myself at a park

It was dead quiet and pretty aesthetically pleasing, I took photos and edited them. 

I planted onto the swings and broke out my notebook, I'd brought my whole backpack. I began scribbling down things, just getting it all out

Infamous crowds
Infamous rymes
This music is not loud
Is this worth my time

But wait, this isn't music
But if I fuse it, re-use it
Will I make it or will I loose it
Don't even accuse me
Just take it an boost it

Cause that's the only way I'll get there
Lend me your hand I'll be fair

I'll let out a scream of frustration, flipped another page

If we where not born to be
What were we born to be?
Born to work and bought to stress
It's a sin but I must confess
My life's a mess
I'd rather stay asleep then suffer reap
Of my feelings
Do you hear me?
Because if I was not born to save you
My life was not thought through

And I can't help this temptation
And I can't help my reputation
And I'll watch as my insides collect mold

Only if I didn't think I was born for nothing
I might be something
I'm humming these simple lines
And I will apologise, I must lie
To keep these voices happy
Because I'm feeling crappy

I sighed again, the last line I hated but I had nothing left. I was nothing

If I could fall away I'd do it, I hate myself

But I need to stay for Tyler

He was what I was living for, it was pathetic because I was just his boy toy but, that was a reason right?

Please let it be a reason