"Standards" -Joshler

•Twelve•

Tyler was so warm against my skin, maybe it wasn't him, maybe it was my heart pounding at a million miles an hour

I couldn't understand why he made me feel this way, I've never been happier. I grabbed my phone and snapped a selfie to Brendon with the caption "Idfk what just happened but /he/ is cuddling me"

I glanced down again, he was so fucking sweet. He had his face squished against my bear chest and he was snoring silently. I never could sleep so I always stayed awake

One Snapchat: Beebo

B: Dude did you fuck

J: No

J: He just found me and I was having some troubles so he took me to his house

B: Oh, that's sick anyways

J: Ye :p

A small moan escaped Tys mouth as he shuffled onto his side, eyes opening slightly

(I HAD THAT AS MOM WHY DID YOU NOT TELL ME)

"Morning" beautiful

But instead of getting a 'Morning' back, Tyler shot up and straddled my hips, connecting out lips. He gave my bottom lip a quick lick which made me gasp. Our tongues collided and my hands slid to his hips

But instead, he grabbed them and pinned them either side of me

Was he, topping me?

I'd always been the top with my old boyfriend back in America and this shocked me a little

Our lips disconnected and something had disappeared from his eyes and something else was there. I couldn't understand what

"What do you want from me" I whispered slightly, panting. My breathing was heavy and reckless, I couldn't control anything right now

Especially not Tyler

"Your love, I figured I'm defiantly not straight and... You.. How do I say it? You're better then everyone else?"

"You like me?" I inquired, it was more to reassure myself more then him

"I love you, I'm sorry for pushing you away"

Our lips meshed together again, we moved in sync, he loved me

Somebody loved me

-----------

"Joshua William Dun! I've told you numerous times that you have to learn something apart from drums! You did not take music to become some punk who bangs drums for a living! You're going to be in one of the Christian Quires and that's that! I want to see this room spotless and you doing trumpet practice! Is that clear?"

"Yes Dad"

"Good, I love you but you need to grow out of this damn phase, I'm sick of it!"

"Why can't you just accept me for who I am?"

"I'll accept you when God does! I don't want to hear anymore of it"

That was that. He had left the room leaving me and white noise

White Noise was my concious, everything inside

He was like me but had a white tint to his skin and his face was a T.V. distortion. I didn't believe him, I never have

Nobody has voices in their head like I did, he sounded like a load of news reports and old movies shoved in to make sentences

He was confusion, he was doubt, he was insecurity

He was me

Kill your self

I will

How come you haven't then

Because

Because?

Tyler

He'll leave,but you'll see him in hell

Because you're going to rot there Joshua

You're going to die

I know, everyone does

I grabbed my note book and grabbed a pen

He always helped me write

If I'm not living
Why am I still breathing?

If I am so empty
Why am I so full?

Is it the corrupt mind if society
Or is it the voice pleading for me to die?

And I will fly, fly away
No you won't Josh,you'll rot in hell

Way to ruin it

It's your fault