Drarry One Shots

LOVE ME POTTER (Part One)

....I have one warning.
I don't even know what the fuck this is going to be. I haven't written it yet...but it's going to be crack...

Sum of Drarry is = D + 16H • 9 3\4

~~~

Draco had been innocently playing chess in his living room with his father when it had happened. He had just been sitting there, all 'la la la' like, absentmindedly planning how to ultimately defeat his father by crushing all his hopes and dreams and idols and therefore winning the chess match, when the realization struck him like a bludger.

He had quite literally fallen out of his chair. Flailing and making a squeaking mess he sent the chess board flying, the pieces scattering and smashing on the hard marble floors. The soaring, screaming chess pieces did little to sooth him, as they were supposed to.

Lucious sighed. "This is why we can't have nice things." He murmured, even as the elves appeared and immediately fixed the set. "What crisis are you experiencing this time?" He address his son, who lay on the floor.

Draco made a small squawking noise. "I love Potter." He said vaguely, and Lucious raised an unimpressed eyebrow.

"That's it? I'm surprises you hadn't known sooner. Really, you got all O's on your OWL's. I thought you were smarter than that, Draco."

Draco squawked. Then he sat up, turning to look at his father. "I'm going to approach him." He decided quickly. Lucious sighed, examining his nails.

"And beat him to bone and glasses like all the other years? Something new, son. You're getting predictable."

Draco huffed. "No. I shall ask him out, and then we shall have vigorous sexy times." He said with a delicate sniff, and ignored his father who had gracefully pulled at a tissue to mop up a sudden bloody nose.

"I must be off to plan. This shall take careful, precise action." Draco declared, getting up and running out.

"Its not even mid June."

"Precise action!"

"I'm going to tell your friends parents!"

"Stop being a girl, father! No one cares about your gossip circles!" Draco called back, and Lucious huffed.

Merigold and Mitherworth are very lovely ladies who I enjoy speaking with. It is not a gossip circle, Lucious grumbled, watching the elves fix the chess set.

Draco heard a girlish squeal an hour later and wondered absentmindedly if it was his father or mother. He remembered both making that noise before.

Upon the arrival of September first, Draco had a very delicate plan formed.

1.) Find Potter.
2.) ...

He was still working on it. Precise action. Halfway through the train ride he sought Potter out, and once he found the black haired boy he threw the compartment door open dramatically.

"Shoo!" He urged Weasley and Granger, and got them out while they were confused. He neatly shut the door and smiled pleasantly. It was a rather terrifying smile but he didn't know that.

He plopped down next to Potter. "Go out with me." He said, staring intently at the boy. Harry blinked at him.

"Uhm."

"Good. Lovely answer. I like the consenting tone."

"Malfoy, what the hell-"

"LOVE ME POTTER." Draco shouted, standing and scaring the shite out of Harry.

"You're bloody crazy!" Harry shouted, seemingly trying to climb the wall to get away from Draco.

"Crazy for a piece of Potter ass. Now gemme. Its mine now." Draco said, grabbing Harry's arm and pulling the boy down.

"Malfoy! Bugger off! I'm not gay!"

"I'll make you gay."

"That isn't possible!"

"Is that a challenge?"

"What? No! Malfoy, get out!"

"YOU WILL LOVE ME AND BE GAY FOR ME AND WE WILL BE HAPPY." Draco shouted into Harry's ear, causing the boy to try to flinch back. He couldn't because Draco had too tight of a hold.

"Malfoy, what the bloody hell is your problem?"

"My problem is you and your denial issues. Just accept it Potter. We're perfect for each other and you know it." Malfoy simpered, dragging Harry down when he tried to get up and quite literally laying across him.

"We've literally despised each other for years." Harry deadpanned.

"Stop living in the past Harry!"

"Get off me."

"Not until you love me."

Harry pushed Draco off him. Draco, however, took Harry with him, and somehow defied the laws of gravity and ended up on top of Harry.

"Does that mean you love me and are ready to willingly give up your shamefully adorable V-card?"

Face flaming, Harry futilely tried to push Malfoy off him. Again. "Get off me you wanker!"

"Harry, I only wank when I think of you."

"So all the time?"

"Pretty much. Like to help me out next time? I think we still have several hours ahead of us."

"Sod off!"

"LOVE ME POTTER."

"Get off me you deranged lizard!"

"Awe, you already have a pet name for me! It's quite literal, though. May I suggest some better ones? Tootsie-Bun? Sugar Muffin? Sexilucious? Sexpot? Sexy McSexison? S-"

"Malfoy I will hex you if you do not get off me right-" Letting out a yelp, Harry's face flamed. "You aren't supposed to touch me there!" he squealed, finally managing to push Draco off him.

Draco pouted. "It was only a small grope."

"It was still a grope! No touchy touchy!"

"But Harrrryyyyyyyyyyyy!"

"FUCK OFF FERRET!"

"LOVE ME!"

~~~

...what.