Traveling Vivian

Chapter Nine - Sex, Drugs, & Alcohol

Traveling Vivian

Part Nine

The next few months flew by; momma was always home during the day. She would bring me out shopping at the mall or we would go to the park or the beach to play with the sand or enjoy the Fall Festival. Mommy was always there with me. She would let me go on the amusement rides while she stood by to watch me. I actually felt like my mom was actually a mom.

By Christmas, mom looked like she was falling back in her old ways. My mom would bring in guys any time during the day. She would be the sweetest lady ever when the guys came over and they would make all these strange noises upstairs. Sometimes they would be so loud that the neighbors next door would come over and tell mom to be quiet. Mom said these guys will help pay for the luxury we were living. But being stuck at home every day was a bummer. Yes it was snowing but I wanted to play with it too. My mom was like the same person before I was sent to the foster care home.

Then by spring, mom was a different person. She would bring at least five guys over every night. I would be downstairs, watching television when they came in. My mom would greet them, and then tell them to go upstairs. She would change my diaper and forced me into my crib. She did not care if I was tired or not. She wanted me to go to bed. I would not whine. I did not know how to hate her.

I would not fall asleep till the guys walked down the stairs and out the door. I would hear laughter and I would hear my mom giggling and coming downstairs to get something from the fridge. Directly on top of my room, I would hear loud thumps and groans. Sometimes I would hear a table flipped and a couple of the guys would argue and try to beat each other up. It would be bad sometimes because one night, they would fight and it would escalate down stairs. My mom would scream at to shut up because I was sleeping. It really did not matter. The guys would stop and then I heard groans coming out my door. I always wanted to walk out of my room and see what they were up to. All five guys and mom.

Every day after the next, the guys would smoke something gross and it would stink the house up into my room. I hated the smell of it. It got me feeling dizzy and sick. I tried to open my window a little bit but it wouldn’t work. I was to short to reach the windows. I think the loud groans were bad but this was worse.

One night it was really bad. A guy walked slowly into my room. He crept in and I woke up at the sound of his entrance. My heart panicked. He walked towards the closet and then he would slouched over my panda seat and then I heard him undressing himself. I gasped as I looked at him. The panda seat was next to my crib. I saw his thing as he urinated into my seat. I cried loudly. He yelled, “shut the fuck up! And get out of the bathroom, you stinky kid!” as he grabbed the arm of my crib to pretend he was flushing.

I frowned and stared at the guy as he walked out the door. My heart stopped racing as I stared at my panda plush chair. I saw the wet damp spots as I saw a trickle of fluid run down from the chair and into my rug. I cried louder when I saw it wet my crayons and drawings I made for mommy. I looked out the window and the moon was high in the sky. It’ll be hours before mom actually checks on me again. She was upstairs and she and the guys were again making loud noises. Sometimes I wonder why if all mothers treat their kids like this. Or maybe it was just my mother. Why do I have such a bad mother?

~

The next morning, my mom walked drunkenly towards my room. She placed her foot onto the wet spots and screamed. “The fuck is this!?” She yelled. She stared at me and lounged forward to me.

Of course, I would have a wet diaper. She barely changes me during the night!

“Vivian! Vivian! What the hell is this? You peed on yourself again and onto the floor?” My mom asked as she shook me hard in midair.

I cried and pointed to my panda seat.

My mom threw me onto the floor as she walked to the panda seat. She touched it and roared. I guess I made her lose her final straw.  She picked me up and brought me upstairs. She turned the bathtub on as she left me in there.

I saw her move downstairs and probably to my room. I heard crashes and thuds and something being tossed out into the yard. I heard her cursing herself and her friends. She started dialing people and yelling at them through the phone.

She must have forgotten about me because the water filled the tub and I was standing in the tub. If I sat, I would have drowned. I cried louder. “Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!” I yelled.

My mom came in and quickly turned the water off. “What the fuck! Use this knob to turn it off, okay? Just move it towards the left!”

I nodded and sat back down when the water went down. I played with my toys and giggled. My mom groaned and went to her room. This was the first time I saw her room. It was red and it had a canopy king-sized bed and  a vanity set and a bureau. She had a closet empty. She took out a luggage and looked inside it. There was a chain set, whips, and all these cords that looked dangerous. My mom took out the whip and held it firmly. She giggled and sighed relaxingly and laid on her bed. I wonder what was she thinking.

Finally my mom took me out of the bathtub. She bought me downstairs into my room and put on a new diaper. I saw my room. I saw that mom took out the rug, the panda plush, and my play table out. I noticed them laying on the grass of our front yard. There was a mop and bucket of water against the wall. I figured mom must have cleaned my room. She placed a new dry diaper and a white sundress with ruffles or red silk across the middle.  She didn’t let me play in my room. She put me outside with a bowl of cereal and the television was on.

My mom was talking on the phone in the kitchen when the door bell rang. My mom groaned and opened the door. I saw two police officers and a lady dressed in a white polo and black dress pants.

“Can I help you?” My mom said.

The officers grabbed my mom and replied, “Surprise DRUG test!”

My mom looked at me one last time and her heart raced.  “What about my Vivian?”

The lady in the white said, “That’s why I’m here. If you passed this drug test, you can continue living with your daughter. If not, you’re going back to jail and she is officially up for adoption!”

My mom took one last look at me and cried.

The lady went to me and picked me up. She turned the television off as she stared at me. “What do you want to do today?”

I shook my head.

“Well let’s go to this daycare center until mommy can come and get you, okay?” She suggested.

Did I even have a choice? The lady picked me up and brought me into her car. She had a nice blue Jeep and a pink car seat in the back. I was buckled in and I saw my mom, in the other police car. She stared at me with lifeless eyes. She was upset and she was scared. I could see it through her eyes clearly. Why was she so sad? Why can’t the police leave us alone?

I stared at the lady as she sat in front of me.  “Will I see momma again?”

The lady laughed nervously, “Soon… and possibly you’ll see her all the time.”

I stared at my mom as she sat in the car staring at me. I did not know if I should wave good-bye. I felt scared again. I said I wouldn’t want to feel this way at all after the foster care.  The car starts to move as I saw my mom’s face slowly disappearing through the window. I sighed and faced the front. Just a short time longer… I thought to myself.