Broken Promises

Prologue

The pain was unbearable. It was like someone stabbed me with a sharp knife and they were twisting it in the wound. I ran out into the cold rain. It was pouring but I didn't care. I kept running and running. I tried to escape from the cruel and painful reality that was holding me in its tight grip. I wanted to run into his hospital rooms to see that everything is okay... that everything I've been told was a lie and that he was alright. The tears were rolling down my cheeks and I could barely breathe.

I ran into the hospital, searching for familiar faces. I wanted to ask someone about where he was but there was no one at the reception and so I decided to look for him myself. I ran through the hospital pushing through everyone. Whenever I finally spotted Blake's parents I stopped. The sight of them made my heart ache. Mrs Bailey was locked tight in her husband's arms, weeping loudly on his shoulders while he just sobbed quietly trying to be strong while comforting her. When he noticed me he just looked at me and moved gently to the side revealing a door which hid a room full of sorrow. They didn't have to say anything and I knew. I walked carefully to the door and pushed it open hoping that he won't be there but the door revealed a bed where he was laying so lifelessly. My knees felt weak. I just about managed to get to his bed before crumbling to the ground. I grabbed his ice cold hand and squeezed it but it didn't squeeze back.

I cried. "No! It can't be!" I could barely say the words. It's like they were almost trapped in my throat. I kept trying to convince myself that it was all just a scary nightmare and that when I'd wake up he'd be sitting in front of me with his angelic smile. "Wake up! Wake up!! Wake... up!" I screamed at myself and closed my eyes tightly but when I opened them, I was still there in the melancholic room with magnolia walls and white polystyrene ceiling. There was a small window opposite the door. The rain drops were sliding down the glass making it look like a scene from a movie that every broken heart knows. That's all it felt like to me. A movie. It couldn't have all been real. Could it? I felt like I wasn't even controlling my body. I felt like I was just watching from a distance with the rest of the audience. 

To the left of the window was a white machine. A machine that once recorded his heartbeat and that was once beeping along to the rhythm of his pulse... but now it was completely silent. Next to the machine was a low, metal-framed bed. I looked at his beautiful face. He looked like he was just sleeping and it almost seemed as though he was smiling. He lay still, in the snowy white sheets. I sat there beside the bed, our fingers still interlocked.

"Blake... Don't do this to me" I cried out. "You promised..."My voice broke "You promised you'd always be there! That you would never leave me!"

I pulled myself up onto the bed and hugged him. I did not want to let him go. I wasn't ready. "I love you" my voice was shaking and my throat hurt from all the screaming and crying. I lay there sobbing on his still chest trying my hardest to find his heartbeat in the melancholy silence.

Suddenly, I felt someone's hand on my shoulder. It was my best friend Lucy. She did not say anything. She just stood there, gazing pitifully into my eyes. I got up as she pulled me into her arms. "I'm so sorry Cassie." She whispered. That short cliche phrase caused an explosion in my chest. It was like a confirmation of what was happening and I just wasn't ready to accept the truth.

 "No! This can't be!" I cried still frozen in her hug. "I just can't ... I can't do this without him."

"I know it hurts ..." Her voice was very soothing, "but you can do it. We will do it together."

"No..no ...." Every word was a struggle. "You don't get it!" I cried.

"I do! I promise you that you're strong enough to get through this. I know you loved him but he wouldn't want to see you this way. He would want you to live on." I could sense it was hurting her to see me this way. She slowly released me from her warm hug, back into the cold and bitter reality, taking a step back leaving me standing beside the metal hospital bed.

Once again, I gazed at him. I wanted to carve his face into my memory forever. His chestnut coloured wavy hair that used to fall into his gorgeous sky blue eyes, that sparkled like stars every time he saw me, his beautiful full lips that kissed me with so much love and tenderness, and his cute dimples every time he smiled at me. His warm olive toned skin, his big arms that kept me feeling so safe in the darkest nights. I can't imagine not being able hearing his cute laugh, his sweet voice anymore. I will miss the goodnight calls and the morning texts. The way he used to pull me close and stare deep into my eyes. Those random hugs and kisses. He made me feel like I was the only girl in the world. When I was with him I felt like nothing else mattered.

I stood there motionless. For a second it was like the time froze. The rain water from my hair was dripping down my spine. I could barely breathe from crying so much. The tears were still streaming down my face like tiny waterfalls and in my head, I kept replaying the moments I spent with him. Every flashback made me die a little more.

How am I going live without him? He was everything to me. He was my all.