The Cat on the Balcony

16- When in Doubt, Be Blunt

UNEDITED

Tyler's POV

"Who?" Josh asked. I took a deep, shaky breath before answering.

"Blurryface. And please, um, don't interrupt while I'm talking, because it's hard for me to even talk about this in the first place. But when I'm done you can ask any questions you want, ok?" Josh nodded his head, a serious look on his face. I took another breath and began my story.

"Ok, so, um, let's see...in middle school, Patrick and I got bullied a lot by Kellin, Max, and Ronnie. That's how we met Jack; he stood up for us one day. They weren't physically violent with me, but their words hurt. A lot. My mind started going to a very dark place and then my anxiety got worse, to the point that, um, I started to have panic attacks and um...hear a voice in my head."

I paused and looked up from my shoes to gauge Josh's reaction, but his face was like stone. I couldn't tell a single thing going through his mind. He nodded a little in encouragement to continue on; so I did.

"He, the voice, always makes me doubt everything. Tells me people don't care about me, everything that's wrong with me and the things I do, stuff like that. Then, he started showing up in my dreams. He looks exactly like me, except his eyes are red, and his hands and neck are black; it almost looks like they're made out of shadows.

I wanted a name to call him, so I could sort of see him as a person and make it easier to...go against him I guess. So, I named him Blurryface, because he makes me doubt who I am, and feel like just another face in the crowd; no one special. The black on his hands represents my insecurities about the things that I create and do; the black on his neck is the way anxiety makes me feel like I can't breathe."

I paused for a moment because I was forgetting to breathe in-between words in my rush to get them out, and I had run out of air. Josh reached over and put his hand on my knee, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"Anyways, things were really bad for awhile, and I had some...not-so-healthy ways of dealing with it. But then I met Brendon, and he along with the others finally convinced me to talk to my parents and get some help. Music was the only thing that made Blurry stop talking; until I met you. Even when I'm with the guys, he's always there in the back of my head whispering lies to me. But, when I'm with you, he leaves. I don't hear him at all."

I had finished talking. It was all out in the open, and now I just had to wait and see how long it would take Josh to run away from me. He was looking down at his lap, processing all the information before shocking me with saying only a single word.

"Ok."

"Ok? What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means I'm not leaving you anytime soon. It means I don't view you any differently now than I did a few moments ago. Tyler, you are the best thing to happen to me, and I'm not letting you go anytime soon. So, I hope you really do like me, because you're stuck with me for awhile...."

Josh's POV

"...and if you'll take me, I'd like for you to be my boyfriend." I finished. Tyler's eyes went wide; he just stared at me not saying a word. Oh crap.

"Uh, Tyler? You haven't said anything, and I'm kinda freaking out over here..." I said with my voice full of worry.

What did I just do? I just messed everything up! Tyler shook his head, clearing his thoughts, before looking at me with the brightest smile I have ever seen in my life.

Instead of speaking, he grabbed the sides of my face and pulled me in for a kiss. I was too shocked to respond, I just sat there with my eyes wide. He pulled away slightly.