The Return (Book 2 of It's Not Forever) COMPLETE

Chapter 5

    It's been about a month since my arrival in Suna, and I've done nothing truly important. I've spent some days with Gaara at the office and others either training, cleaning, or sight-seeing. The villagers have been friendly toward me since I was seen with the Kazekage, but they still don't fully trust me, which is understandable. Since we both barely ever sleep, though we still do occasionally, most of our nights are spent on the rooftop talking and watching the stars. Every so often Gaara tries to press me about what happened over the past two years, but I've yet to divulge any of it. He tries to ask about Temari and Shikamaru's relationship, how it makes me feel, but I won't talk about it either except saying I'm happy for them. I truly am. I will admit that it is strange to be inside a village for more than a day but it's nice to have something solid in my life again. I hear a knock at the door and it draws my attention away from the window. Gaara calls for the person to enter and my interest dies as Kankuro walks in to report a new mission request. It's only a minor one, wanting genin to find a missing cat or something like that. As I turn back to the window, I can feel Kankuro's eyes on me and I subtly lift my hand up to flip him off, causing a disapproving look to be sent from Gaara. Kankuro leaves and I sigh.
"Gaara-kun, I know that I'm not attractive, but is there something wrong with me?"
"What?" He asks, the scratching of pen on paper ceasing momentarily.
"Is there something wrong with me? Why do people treat me like a monster or a disease?"
"There is nothing wrong with you, and you are not unattractive. People are scared of things they don't know. They didn't know you or where you came from so they got scared. You are not a monster or a disease. Where did that come from?"
"You said I was cute." I mutter, cutting my eyes in his direction just in time to catch him lightly blushing.
"You never answered my question Kaida."
"I was thinking, that's all."
He frowns lightly before returning to his work. I unfold myself from the window seat and stretch before walking over to the wall of books and grabbing one at random and returning to the seat. It's a book about the history of Suna. I raise an eyebrow and open it, settling back against the wall. By the time Gaara finishes his paperwork for the day, I finish the book. As surprising as it may seem, the book was actually really cool. As I put the book back on the shelf I ask him how he doesn't get bored just signing papers all day. His response is just a shrug and I sigh before jumping on his back and demanding he carry me to the house. To my surprise it works.
When we get inside, I jump down and go into the kitchen to start cooking dinner. He disappears into the house, I assume to shower or something. While I cook I sing along to a song I'd written during my downtime.
"I think I've walked too close to love
And now I'm falling in
There's so many things this weary soul can't take
Maybe you just caught me by surprise
The first time that I looked into your eyes..."
I plate the food as I finish the chorus and set the places at the table. Kankuro refuses to eat with us or anything that I prepare, but I always make extra and put it away in the fridge and it disappears a few hours later. I don't mind.
"...There's a life inside of me
That I can feel again
It's the only thing that takes me
Where I've never been
I don't care if I lost everything that I have known
It don't matter where I lay my head tonight
Your arms feel like home
Feel like home..."
I move to the fridge and pull out drinks.
"This life isn't the fairy tale we both thought it would be
But I can see your smiling face as it's staring back at me
I know we both see these changes now
I know we both understand somehow
There's a life inside of me
That I can feel again
It's the only thing that takes me
Where I've never been
I don't care if I lost everything that I have known
It don't matter where I lay my head tonight
Your arms feel like home
They feel like home
There's a life inside of me
That I can feel again
It's the only thing that takes me
Where I've never been
I don't care if I lost everything that I have known
It don't matter where I lay my head tonight
Your arms feel like home
They feel like home..."
I turn around to find Gaara leaning against the doorway watching me. A small smile crosses his face before he walks in and pulls my chair out for me to sit down. I thank him and wait for him to sit down. We eat in silence for a few minutes until he asks me about the song. I tell him that it was written during down time when I had nothing better to do and it came to me. I'm still in the process of tweaking it though. He tells me that it sounds great as it is. I thank him again and we fall back into a comfortable silence. After we eat he does the dishes like every other day, then we head to the roof. The moon is rising, casting a peaceful glow over the sand in the distance.
"You miss him, don't you?" He asks quietly.
"I miss him like I miss a friend. Like I missed everyone during my uh, travels. He was my best friend for so long, but I'm afraid it's been too long." I answer, picking my words carefully.
He sighs. "I still wish you would open up."
"What do you want me to say, Gaara? I was removed from several families over the years, finally had a best friend, fell in love with said best friend, got ripped away by my psychotic oldest brother and his group, died, came back, went home then left again though I wanted to stay so no one would die. I spent two years on the run from the Akatsuki and Orochimaru's group while making peace with the deceased and trying to find my original adoptive family and my real parents. I died a time or two again along the way and found my real father then spent the last year and a half being subject to various experiments and degrees of torture until they released me for being useless. Oh and I ran into my psychotic older brother which is a whole other matter entirely. To top it all off when I came back again I couldn't handle being in a village that I'd called home for so many years because I knew my past and that I didn't and couldn't belong there. I couldn't handle the thought of people finding everything out so I was just going to leave then he found me and things seemed almost okay and normal again, until my other friend walked in. My heart was unintentionally ripped out and I couldn't handle it because I'm a weak coward and ran away to Suna because you are one of the few people that ever understood me that I could talk to and I'd hoped wouldn't kick me out while I had my mini breakdown. Along the way I was attacked and found out my oldest brother is dead. Funny how it works, eh? Every time I get attached to someone they die or leave me or something happens. That's why I don't open up. I'm pathetic. I can fight or die trying but I can't trust anyone..." I trail off at the end, realizing that I'd just ranted for almost three minutes and my voice had started to edge toward hysterics. I hiccup and realize that I'd started crying too.
I look over toward Gaara but he's not there. I shake my head and turn back toward the moon but sand wraps around me and creates a bubble.
I open my eyes again to find the sand has retreated and we're in his office again. He turns on the light and crosses the room to his desk and unlocks one of the drawers. He pulls out a bottle of sake and I raise an eyebrow.
"Don't ask. I'm not sure it's good for you to have it but it looks like you need it." He mutters, passing me the bottle.
I take a swig and settle down on the window sill again, leaving enough room for him.
"I really needed a drink..."
"Thank you Kaida, for opening up finally. You're not pathetic or a coward. You're a person with emotions. Any other person that would've gone through even half of what you had wouldn't be here today. You haven't given up."
"I would've a long time ago, but my life has a reset button of sorts." I mutter while taking another swig. I pass it to him and he drinks from it before handing it back.
"That doesn't matter. You never gave up fighting for what you wanted. You put your heart into everything. Shikamaru may have broken your heart but you're still alive, you're still singing, smiling, entertaining me while I work, and annoying Kankuro, whatever. You may hurt but it hasn't stopped you from being who you are. It's okay to be weak or upset sometimes, it's the only way to build yourself up further. He may have hurt you but he and Temari are your best friends. Do you really want to give up that friendship with them?"
"No one will want to be around me if they find out where I came from, even you."
"I will never hate you or abandon you for anything, trust me."
I look up at him and can see the reflection of his words in his statement.
"My father, he's not a good person..." I start, stopping to take a deep breath. "My father is Orochimaru... He created me by extracting some of his DNA and morphing it, then kidnapped a woman from the Hattori clan and injected it into her body. When he messed with the DNA it was supposed to give me a bunch of abilities that would make me a super weapon in the future. He told the Hattori clan that if I died or went missing before he came back for me, they'd die. He didn't come for me until I found the clan on my trip a couple months after I left." I pause to take a drink. "He'd just decimated the clan, killing 'Mother' as well. I'd heard him talking to her before he killed her and I guess I'd made a noise or something because he found me. He told me that he'd been wondering where I was, then he'd heard from the Sound teams at the Chunin Exams that there was a sound user from the Leaf and it peaked his interest. At the finals before everything went crazy, he saw me. He was going to have his group take me but I disappeared in the chaos. He dragged me back to his hideout where I learned everything. I escaped a few times but I always ended up stuck between the Akatsuki and Orochimaru. I was free for a good while, but Sasuke found me and I lost. Orochimaru experimented on me and tortured me until recently. I'm a freak and a mistake. He says that I was a failed experiment, the only good thing about me was that I can't seem to die forever. I kept a secret from him though..." I realize I'm starting to ramble and giggle before taking another swig.
He takes the bottle and sits it on the shelf away from me before turning back.
"You're not a freak or mistake. I don't care that Orochimaru created you, that doesn't make you who you are. I told you I'm not going anywhere."
"You're so sweet, Gaara-kun... Want to see something cool?" I ask, suddenly excited.
"Uh, sure?" He asks.
"Take us to the training hall!" I cheer, pumping my fist in the air and running over to grab the sake bottle as the sand wraps around me again.
I wobble out of the sand bubble and go to take another sip but the bottle is empty. I pout and hand it to Gaara before stepping away from him.
"Now, you know how he said I was a failed experiment? I know what he wanted to happen. He wanted me to control every jutsu type at once. I can't do that... but I can do this! My eyes started at white when I was a baby and I had no powers. When the Hattori killed me, they turned brown and I had sound jutsu."
I wave my hand and send a weak pulse from it. "Hidan killed me and they turned green, giving me earth jutsu." I focus and pull sand from his gourd and swirl it around the room before giving it back. "Orochimaru killed me and they turned blue." I snap my fingers and a ball of water forms in my palm.
"Now they're red." I snap my fingers again and a small flame dances on my fingertip.
"Who killed you the last time?" He asks, staring at me with a weird expression.
"My older brother. He ran a chidori through my stomach when I tried to leave." I shrug and start to spin in lazy circles around him.
"So every time you die you get a new power?"
"Yep! But Father doesn't know. I pretended that I could still only use sound."
He catches my hand as I spin around again and I stop.
"Gaara-kun, do we have more sake? It tastes good."
"You drank the whole bottle within ten minutes and you're already drunk, you don't need it."
"But it's fun. It makes all the sad go away."
"It's not the right way to do it. Come on Kaida, let's get you to bed."
"I'm not tired though!" I pout as he leads me away.