Falling Into Caraphernelia

My Fault

If only I could tell her that I love her too. If only I wasn't such a coward. If only...

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Aubrey's POV:

I sat in the long car ride in a daze. My mind raced with thoughts I can't comprehend. All lead me to the thought, you're gonna die. Where is Lucy? Where's Jace? What is my mother gonna do? Still all my thoughts drift to Jace  without my permission. I hope he's okay and not dead. What did I do to deserve this? Is there a right word for being strong? DAMN IT! WHERE THE HELL IS JACE?  That's when a warm salty tear drips down my cheek before the flood. 

"She's crying." The voice sounds concerned. 

"So shut her up dammit!" Both of their voices sound deep and raspy like they have an autotune. 

The other voice panics. "I don't know how!"

"Use the clorafil!" 

That's when I become rapidly more and more tired. My fate sealed in the dreamless abyss I'm put into fading from black to pitch in less than 5 minutes. Drifting into unconsciousness I'm reminded that maybe I deserve this more than anyone for being such a stubborn brat. 

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Jace POV:

I must have fallen asleep cause in my dream I saw Aubrey; that she was in trouble and that she needed my help. I had to get outta here fast, but then again... I also saw River in my dream phrasing the question, "Do you really wanna leave?" The fact of the matter is that I really don't know who I want. Do I wanna leave River? After everything I feel drawn to her and that I need her in my life forever and always, but can I abandon Aubrey like that? I know what she's been through and I know that I don't want her depressed again. She's been there for me since I was in sixth grade, and vice versa. What do I do? Jesus what do I do?

When I open my eyes I see river gazing into my eyes. Immediately she begins to blush and falls back to the ground embarrassed. 

"What's wrong?" 

"Nothing. We need to go before nightfall." 

"Alright. I don't wanna leave." 

" Well unless you wanna be mauled by one of the King's watchdogs I suggest that you get up and start moving." Her face is still red but why is she being so hostile? Is this how girls are when they feel embarrassed? 

That's when, without my permission and without warning, I kiss her. I mean full on kiss her and don't stop. Out of instinct she kisses back, but then she soothes into the kiss and sits upon my lap. I wrap my arms around her waist and she entangles her hands in my hair. The kiss had that feeling you get when you figure out your favorite band just released a new song and it's like the best song you've ever heard. Like smelling a new batch of freshly picked roses out of a field of gorgeous flowers. Like heaven came to me and gave me the universe. Our hearts met in a glorious burst of feels and grabs and then we came up from air. 

"What?" I panicked, "Did I do something wrong?"

"No." A tear rolled down her eye.

"Then why are you crying River?" 

"I'm not, I'm happy." She whipped the fallen tear and stood up. "Let's go."  

A twinge of disappointment fell upon me but I didn't dare show. I just got up and walked alongside with her back to her tree house. Next thing you know I black out falling into an abyss of pitch black darkness. My thoughts race with guilt, lust, envy, and sorrow. 

Why did I kiss River. 

I liked it. I want more.

Dammit I want her to be mine. Why isn't she mine?

I'm a terrible person. 

It's all my fault...

It's all my fault...

It's all my fault...

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Sorry here's the update guys. 

I love you and I promise I'll update more.

Hope you like and comment it.