Letters To You

eleven

Dear You,

Why did you do that?

I tired so hard. I tired so hard to fix you.

I tired so hard to save your marriage!

I tired so hard to save you!

I tired and I failed!

I failed and caused everyone pain!

I had to ask you to be my dad and I made everyone go threw more pain then anyone should ever feel!

I had to ask you and I had to ask my mom! I had to ask her to try to make it work!

I asked and begged and I made everyone get into this mess and its my fault and I failed again!

I failed again! 

I failed with trying to get you to stop drugs and I failed with trying to get you to be in a okay state, I failed at saving your marriage and I failed you!

I am sorry! I'm sorry I failed! I'm sorry I made everyone feel that pain!

I'm so sorry!

I'm sorry.

I'm just so sorry.

Why did you have to do drugs though? Why? I couldn't fix that, you know I couldn't. You know a 11, 12 year old little girl can't stop you from doing drugs.

You scared the crap out of me. You scared me so much that I had to sleep with a knife!

You would corner me or would grab my arm and ask where mom hid the pills and I would say I don't know and you would get so mad.

I was so scared and I am so mad at you and all I wanted was a dad but I couldn't get one. I never could. My first dad left and you wouldn't leave.

You hurt me beyond words, yet I am saying sorry.

How pathetic is that?

-Me.