Letters To You

twenty

Dear You,

Hi. I haven't written you in awhile. Have you missed me? Have you wondered what has happened? Have you been tempted to write me just to see what is going on? I doubt it.

Everything that I hear all the time is 'how are you doing today?' and to be honest I love it, but I hate it.

I hate it because no day is really a good day. some days I don't feel like crying every five minutes, but overall no day is good. Inside I feel like I am empty and broken. Just a shattered soul. The people I want the most I can't have and the smile I once perfected is now totally transparent.

My eyes are filled with sadness and a sliver of hope, but overall sadness and it's awful. All I want is to be happy. That's it. Just simply happy without any strings attached.

Everything is changing. I never thought I would be one of those people who hate change and wanted it to stop and wanted so badly just to have everything the same. I never thought I would be one of those people who cry because everything is changing, but I am. I have turned into one of those people. That's one of the main reasons for my sadness. Change. Ugh. I hate the word.

I have turned into this girl who I never thought I would be. I never thought I would be broken or cry over change or miss someone so much that I get this overwhelming sadness wash over me when I can't have them. I never thought I would be like that, but I am. It's weird. I don't want to be like that, but I am. Why? Why am I like that? Well I obviously know why, but honestly why did I have to turn into this?

I hate it. It sucks.

I wish I could just be happy. I wish I could be fixed. I wish I could get better. I wish things would stay the same.

oh I wish I wish I wish but nothing ever comes true.

-Me.