Letters To You

twenty-seven

Dear You,

In all honesty I feel so lonely right now. Again it is raining and I wish I could go sit outside or that I had one of those big windows were I could sit and look outside. Okay way off topic.

I just need to get this off my chest.

I feel so unwanted. I feel so ugly. I feel so worthless. I feel all those things I usually feel.

Last night was so rough and this morning was no better.

Today I was going to wake up early to cry, but when I did wake up, I couldn't cry. I just lied there staring at the stupid ceiling.

I know I could talk to people about theses feelings, but I don't want to. Honestly I don't, because there is nothing anyone can do about it. They can't make me feel pretty or full of worth and the reasons I am feeling unwanted are stupid reasons that [hopefully] aren't even true.

I asked a friend if he thought I was pretty, my exact words were 'on a scale of 1 to 10 how pretty am I? I know you don't like me like that, but please be honest' and he said...... 10. Well he said a 9 or a 10, but he is going with 10 and all I could do was think of how stupid he was for thinking that. Honestly how could he think that? It's ridiculous and untrue and I can't even believe he would think that. Then again he was probably just lying so I wouldn't be sad.

I just don't even know what to do, because no song I know of can help me right now. Believe me I tried. I can't relate to a single song right now. I could talk to someone, but I don't want to, because again no one can do anything about how I feel. So all I can do is be bored in my bed, staring at the ceiling all alone and possibly cry. That's it and you know what? That is the crappest thing ever.

I hate it. 

I really do.

Then again all my letters end with 'I hate it' so there is no shocker there.

Gosh I feel like such a whiner.

Better stop now.

-Me.