Johnny stays that night. We keep it strictly platonic and he understands it. I let him use my shower and we eat microwave dinners together. Just as we're finished eating, he sets his plate down and looks at me.
"So, that Joshua kid, I've seen how you look at him." I almost choked on the ramen. I wait a second before replying, "He likes to be called Josh."
He sighs and readjusts his seating position, "Okay, do you have feelings for Josh? Is that why you didn't want to have sex?"
I shrug my shoulders, not knowing what to say in response. The fact that it's this obvious is embarrassing. I thought I was hiding my feelings well.
"Yeah, I do" I squeak out breathlessly before I can shut my mouth, "but please please don't tell him." I hope that the pleading look I'm trying to show is working because I really can't mess this up with Josh. He's all I want, all I need. The only person I've ever gotten physically close to is sitting in front of me. We know each other's bodies, how we move together. It was hard to build the trust that Johnny and I have.
This is why I've always been scared of relationships. You spend so much time and emotion on one person and it could all go down the drain if they don't feel the same. Oh God, what if Josh doesn't even like men.
I'm jolted from my thoughts as my spoon falls from my hand and clatters on the floor.
"Earth to Tyler, are you there?" Johnny says with a smirk. I playfully punch his shoulder and stand up to put my bowl and spoon in the sink.
I turn around to see Johnny folding the blankets we used and setting them on the couch.
Just as I'm about to say something to Johnny, the phone rings. I walk over to the phone and press the 'talk' button before pulling it to my ear.
"Hello?" I ask whoever is calling, "Tyler! It's Mr. Davis, I was wondering if you would be a model for a painting I'm doing?" Oh dear.
"Um, yeah sure Mr Davis. When do you want me to be in the studio?"
I didn't want to turn him down so I just went along with it.
"As soon as possible. You'll also be paid." Seeing as I needed the money now I really needed to be his model.
"Yeah sure, sounds like a plan."
And with that I hung up.
