life is never easy a.i

15

The next day at school, i feel so empty. I sit through class staring at nothing, i sit through lunch staring at nothing. I feel so empty. I feel so useless. After reliving all these memories i finally realize what a shitty friend i am. At the moment i thought i was trying the hardest i could, but i only thought about myself. I am fucking selfish.

I watch the empty seat beside me and think about that maybe if i had tried hard enough, maybe it wouldn't have been empty.

I think about when she would sit there. Doodling on some papers. And i would make silly jokes about the teachers, we had so much fun together. But all the fun went with her buried 6 feet beneath the ground. And i don't think it will ever come up again.

Flashback:
"Hey" i whispered.

"Shh be quiet" she whispered back "the teacher will hear you".

"Why would he hear me?" I pretend to be hurt, but she knows me all to well.

"Your voice is too damn loud." She giggles quietly. "Look i made a drawing of you."

It was a drawing of a penis with a smiley face on it.

"So you are saying that i am a dick? Well i have one." I say with a wink. "You're flattering me, it is a pretty big dick."

"Ashton!!" She whisper shouts at me.

We both try to hide our laughter, and luckily are in the back so the teacher can't hear us.

I tear my eyes from the seat next to me and turn to look out the window.

My eyes burn but there is no way i can cry in class. I squeeze my eyes shut and hope for the tears to go away.

I feel like a hollow shell with nothing but pain and sorrow underneath.

Why wasn't i enough for her? Enough to seek help. Enough to stay a little longer.

What subject am i even in, i haven't heard a word of what the teacher is talking about.

Why isn't Luke making fun of me? There is almost a full day over without him coming at me.

Noelle is never coming back. I swear when that thought crossed my mind i felt my heart break all over again.

The bell rings but i am too focused on my thoughts to even listen or react to it.

"Do you have a question Ashton?" The teacher askes.

"No sorry, i was a bit caught up in my thoughts, it won't happen again." And after that i ran.

I ran from my last class that day, i ran from school, from Luke, from the pressure. I ran from the pain of Noelle leaving me, the permanent pain in my heart that i carried around with me. I ran from my problems, even though i knew it would only be temporary. I just had to run.

My feet keep pounding the pavement as i run as far as i can. When i finally take a break and look around. I am infront of her house.

Why am i here?

I promised myself to never ever come here again.

Why am i infront of Noelle her house?