Queens

3.6: Ella

Marina rushes out of the room, pressing her phone up against her ear. I only take passing notice, as I'm working through an old copy of A Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Mar strides into a corner of the room.

"Hey Jakie. I'm just with my publicist," she coos. It's almost sickly sweet. "No, sweetie, no boys here, just Josh and Tyler in the waiting room." She pauses. "No, I promise. They're both super gay so you don't have to worry about that." Ty looks at Josh all offended but Josh just shrugs as if to say well, she's right. "Aw, you're so protective already, it's so cute."

No boys in the same room as Mar? "Cute" and "Protective" aren't the right words for that. It's downright weird, but it's not my circus and not my monkeys, so I might as well stay out of it. Monkeys are cute, and Marina's new boytoy is not.

"Ella!" Abie calls to me from the open door. I swing open the door and sigh again. It's just so terribly clean and modern. It's like all the personality was sucked out of the space and replaced with straight lines and glowing screens and stark white surfaces.

"You really should think about hiring a decorator," I say dreamily.

"I did," Abie says slowly. "And I think she did a pretty great job." Abie sighs as I ramble on.

"The energy in this room is all heading in the wrong direction. If you moved the TV to that wall, and added a tapestry over there, then it would all seem much cozier." I examine the room, rearranging it in my mind.

"I hope this passes soon, El. Maybe your next passion will be interviewing for magazines. A girl can dream!" Abie knows that I go through phases. My current passion for interior design began when I noticed how stark and bare the walls of my castle were. Within a week, I had pictures hung on the walls, I spruced up my room, and all new curtains dotted the windows. This was just after ukelele, taught to me by Tyler, and before that, singing, and before that, astrology, and before that, herbalism.  My repertoire of interesting skills in now fully stocked, but a lot of people don't see it that way.

"Ella!" Abie says sharply. "I've been calling your name for the past minute!" I shake my thoughts away and turn my attention back to her. "We need to discuss your image. Honey, it's deteriorating."

"I-I don't think so," I reply, but Abie shakes her head.

"I love you for who you are, but things are getting a little out of hand in public. Odd disappearances? Telling reporters that they can't be near you because their 'aura' is going to poison your mood? I love you sweetie, but we need to step back a little from the mysticism and step into reality." Abie is gentle but firm, but it still feels like I'm being choked.

"I feel like if I'm who I really am on the red carpet and with my friends, people will like me for who I am and not for who they think I am." Abie opens her mouth, and then stops. "I've never felt completely right, but if nothing else, I want to be who I am." I'm earnest this time, because I want nothing more than to find this person I want to be and then be it.

Abie sighs. "From a personal standpoint, I'd never, ever want you to change for someone else. But from a purely business standpoint... I just need you to try a bit harder. Let's... let's try something," I see gears turning in her head. "How about the next time you want to deflect a question onto your spider--"

"--Spider," I correct. That's his name.

"That's what I said, your spider."

"No, Spider, like my Spider."

"Yeah I know, your spider, I-- y'know what? Forget it. Anyways, how about answering just one question about yourself. You can even make something up, but people are dying to know more about you. Tyler has kind of reserved the "mysterious" persona, so I need you to open up a bit. You're so warm and passionate. I just need the public to see that.

"What if I want to be the mysterious one? I already have that pale skin, dark hair thing going on, which is very rare in Denmark, and I get to be their mysterious queen! Plus, Tyler is a much more interesting person than I am!"

"Tyler's less comfortable with answering questions," she answers practically. That ends that dream of mine.

"So what about my folder?" I ask to move the conversation along.

From a drawer under her desk, she slides out her signature manila and opens it tentatively. "We've been over this..." Abie slides over some pictures of me making a flower crown for some reporters, burning some incense in the middle of an interview, and ignoring reporters in lieu of a new boy sitting across from me at a gold-draped table. Abie looks at the last photo, then back up at me. "I didn't know you'd turned into a Marina so quickly," she remarked half-impressed, half-disbelieving.

"Abie!" I gasp. "Can I have a simple interaction with a boy without you being all over my case?"

"I wouldn't be, except that Twitter is," she remarks, sliding over more printed-out Tweets of blurry iPhone pictures of me and Tucker at a table. A small blush rises to my cheeks, but I push it down and refuse to be embarrassed.

"Tucker was the first reporter I've ever encountered that genuinely wanted to hear about Spider! I can't be embarrassed for trying to meet some nice people for once."

"Okay, okay. Let's not end this on a bad note. I believe in you Ella. I love you because you're quirky and interesting and you never back down. You never panic, and I think some of the gang could use your calm during interviews. Maybe try talking to Ash about it, and you guys can find your perfect balance between two types of wild. You good, girl?" I nod. "Okay. Remember: you do you, but maybe a little more not you than you. Okay, wait, um, maybe just be a little more open. That's all. You're doing great, honey."

I walk out, thinking about all of us. I have no idea how I'll positively influence Ash, and I have absolutely no idea how she could positively influence me. I'm most concerned about Marina now. We've never been as close, because we've never been into the same things, but this boy trouble is worrying me. I would never want to let her get into another toxic relationship, or maybe another relationship at all for awhile. I think she needs to regroup and understand that friends are more important than boys, no matter how childish that sounds. I realize that's it-- she's a grown woman, yet she acts like a selfish 12 year old girl. It's like she hit 12 and then never grew past that stage. It's worrying and annoying... I like Marina for Marina, not for boy-crazy Mar, but it seems like with this new hunk on board, it'll be a while before she recovers. It's always a long time.

*****
Dear readers,
Ella is such a cinnamon roll omg what is she even doing

Questión: Which character do you most identify with so far? Why?

xoxo
J