The Not-So-Big Book Of Soulmate AUs (and Other One-Shots)

Everything Stays (NovaHD) (SAD)

Trigger warning if sad things bother you.  

~~~~~~~~~~

Let's go in the garden

You'll find something waiting

It was one year since James left Aleks.  One year since he had simply left, claiming that he never had feelings for Aleks.  Of course, Aleks thought something must have happened, but it was true.  James had just led him on, used him for the affection and the sex while they were together, and left without a proper "goodbye".  Just a "I don't love you, and I really never did".  

Right there where you left it, lying upside down.  

It had killed Aleks.  It felt like a massive hole had opened up in his heart, a fissure that he never thought could be closed again.  From the moment James said those words, Aleks felt his throat tighten with choked back protests, and he felt an iron fist clamp down on his chest and start to squeeze.  The feeling didn't stop constricting his throat or compressing his chest until about 2 months after.  Then he started to get a little better.  

When you finally find it

You'll see how its faded

The underside is lighter when you turn it around.

He wasn't healed, no.  He was far from it.  Seeing James every day at work didn't help the weak feeling in his knees that came from a combination of not eating very well, not sleeping very well, and not feeling very well in general.  And you can bet seeing the face that had once smiled at him, the hands that had once skimmed over his back, the lips that had once touched his own made him want to lock himself in his office and break down in tears.  Have you ever felt used like that?  Betrayed?  Aleks couldn't believe how easily James had tossed him aside.  

But he was getting better.  In an attempt to distract himself, he started to upload close to four hours of content to his channel every day.  He started to talk to fans more over his various social media sites.  He began to plan out ideas and scripts for all of the creative projects he had wanted to start, but had never found time for once he started devoting himself to the man he loved who he thought loved him back.  

What helped him most was his effort to talk to the others around the office.  Seamus's sarcasm and wit helped him to start smiling again.  Dan's inherent silliness made him join in every once in a while too.  Stefani and Jordan's continued concern and care helped him realize that not every one thought he was worthless.  Aron, Intern Joe, and Spencer's randomness helped him think that maybe life wasn't meant to be as dark and depressing as he felt it was.  He was changing, growing, healing, scarring.  Getting better.  

Then, after a year, James had the audacity to ask him to come back.  Aleks was mostly surprised, a little anxious and confused, but mostly surprised.  Just a year ago, James had denounced all feelings for the Russian, and yet, here he was, claiming that he loved Aleks all this time and just didn't realize it.  He said that he hopes it isn't too late to start over.  He said that he loves Aleks, and that he just wanted to be back in his arms, holding his hands and kissing his lips. 

 Everything stays, right where you left it.

Too late, Aleks thought.  He had changed.  He wasn't completely over what had happened, but he was past the point of knowing that he never wanted to feel the things he did ever again.  

James had not changed, sadly.  But Aleks had.  And Aleks was not about to be fooled again.  He was done being used, done being treated like a mere fall-back, a plan B, a second chance.  

He was ready to complete his change, and he was ready to move on. 

Everything stays, but it still changes  

Ever so slightly, daily and nightly, in little ways

When everything stays. 

~~~~~~~~~~

So uh...yeah.  This happened.  I'm sorry, but I needed a vessel for my feelings.  Even though it was sad as hell, I still hope you enjoyed it (in a weird, twisted way). 

Until next time, dears. 

-Abbi <4