The Mess {Muke}

Thirty-Eight

Who knows what true loneliness is - not the conventional word but the naked terror? To the lonely themselves it wears a mask. The most miserable outcast hugs some memory or some illusion. ~Joseph Conrad

Luke's POV

The rain came down, as I entered a house in which I knew I was never welcomed. James was gone, Michael was not here by my side. But then I entered, and found myself alone. I almost wished my parents would have arrived. 

Looking around, I could see no one. Then I heard the front door open and raced back to see my parents walking inside. My mother shot me a cold glare and I found myself slipping away as I looked at her. 

"M-Mo - " 

"No." She said, a firm tone. "I don't want any contact with you Luke." 

"But, please.." I begged. "Aren't you going to listen to what I have to say?" 

"Get out." She said and I went wide eyed. "I don't want you here." 

"You never wanted me here!" I snapped at her. "Everything you ever said or did for me, it was nothing. You left me alone, do you know how long and lonely life is when you are the only one who cares about yourself? You can't look at me and say that you never felt one bit of sorrow for me? No pity or pain towards what you had done?" 

"No, I didn't." My mother replied, her tone was cold and in I felt myself shrink away from her. "Get out, Luke and never come back. . You're worthless, and I refuse to call you my son at all. I don't want you here."

I was in shock, but I managed to speak. "I understand, I'm sorry I wasn't good enough." I said quietly. I walked out of the house, out into the pouring rain. My life was going over again in my head. I wish I could have gone back to where this all started, maybe if I had done something differently, would I be in the condition I'm in now? Would I still have fallen away the way I had? 

I turned and looked at the doorway where my mother was standing. "I'm sorry." I said, keeping the tears hidden from her as I walked away from the house. All I knew was, well that I had nowhere to go, and was never in a rush to get anywhere. 

I found myself soaked to the bone, shaking, and my lip quivering. Eventually I sat down in an wet alleyway. Sitting in the puddle of water as it just continued to keep me wet, to keep me cold. I guess that was the best comfort right? The cold? At least I knew that it had no intentions of leaving anytime soon. 

I sat there, I sat there in until the sky had stopped crying, when the dark came for it, it ran away and hid. Hid because it was afraid of the nightmares that the moon had brought with it. The stars came out, taunting the world with their luminescence. 

I remembered that I was supposed to be at work by now, but honestly I had no intentions of showing up until I remembered that my car was in the parking lot. Maybe I could find some comfort sleeping in my car rather than on the cement. 

I stood up and with shaky knees, my entire body frozen. My steps were slow and I felt the wind howl down my back. I felt like I could collapse at any second. 

I took the steps, the long and painful journey to where I worked, I looked at the building lit up. Another thought as I walked towards my car, was that my keys were inside. They were inside the building and probably never would leave. 

I walked towards the doors of the buildings, my legs growing weak. I could my vision fog up with every couple of steps as I stumbled towards the doors. I practically fell onto one as my mind began to give out. 

Alone, all alone, and cold, and tired and hungry. I just wanted to sleep forever. 

When I walked inside the second door is when I thought I was about to die.