Letters

Time and Time Again

A/N: another time jump here! I'm trying to keep the plot moving and not bore everyone into stop reading this. Hope it's not confusing for anyone!

August 26th, 1944

Dear Willow,
I have never missed you more than I do right now. It's almost September and when that month finally comes, it will be a year since I saw you last. Time moves in a weird way. Sometimes, the days pass in the blink of an eye. Other times they can stretch on for what seems like forever.

I miss you more and more with each and every breath I take. I want this war to be over. I want it to be finished with it. It's surprising how something I wanted so much, to become a soldier, is now the last thing I would ever want to be. I thought I could handle all the death, the pain of it all and now I'm not sure I can. If Bucky wasn't here with me through it all.. I don't know what I would do.

These letters to you and from you are also a big help. They keep me grounded, remind me of home. I read your older letters all the time. They're stained with mud and water and frayed around the edges but I don't care. I can still read your handwriting and I swear I even smell your perfume sometimes when I read them over. I miss seeing you smile and touching your hair. I miss hearing your laugh the most though Willow.

I can't stand having those cameras be on me anymore Willow. It's degrading. They follow us everywhere we go and while I know we're supposed to boosting morale back home, I keep thinking about how I started out, just an actor on a picture and now I'm doing actual work and the cameras are still here. I can't stand it Willow! It drives me crazy seeing them. I can't do anything about them though. I have to let them record.

The fight against HYDRA is going well. Just last month we stormed into German occupied Western Europe and instead of killing and fighting, I managed to get most of the HYDRA and Nazi soldiers to surrender to me. Someone told me later that they had heard about the Captain America crusade and they didn't want to cross paths with me. They surrendered because they were scared. I never thought I'd become something to be feared. I don't want to be feared.

The murders have started up again? Please tell me you're not looking into them. Willow, I don't want you getting hurt. You're a reporter not a police officer. I love you Willow and I don't want you getting involved in anything dangerous.

I'm sorry to hear about Sally's fiancé. Send her my condolences. I met him once on the field. I mentioned you, Willow and he starting thinking and said he also knew a girl named Willow. We're both from Brooklyn but went to different grade schools. He was a standup guy. Loved Sally very much...

I know you're worried about me Willow but I'm a super soldier. And I'm not saying that as an ego thing I'm saying it because it's true. I'm enhanced through and through. I won't go down easily. I won't go down without a fight. I have to get back to you. You know that. The only reason I get up in the morning and keep going is because of the thought of you. Because I think about when I'm going to see you next. You're all I can think about. You're all I want to think about. You might say that I should be focused on the task at hand, the war but I can't focus. It won't bring me down though, I promise. I'm levelheaded on the field.

This is short this time, I'm sorry but I have to ship off soon and I wanted to write you a poem (like I promised I would always write) before I had to send my letter in. So here it is.

Before I even knew your name,
You were my bane.
Before I ever kissed your lips,
You had my heart doing flips.
Before you ever said 'I love you',
I wanted to say 'I love you too'.
But now, being miles apart
Puts a strain on my heart.
I wish I could hold onto you
Instead of being this blue.
You're a tear in my heart,
But also my favorite work of art.

I love you Willow. Forever. And I mean it.

Love,
Steven Rogers

----

August 26th, 1944

Dear Willow,
I miss home. I miss Brooklyn, the cityscape. I miss real food and not being jolted awake by explosions. I wish I didn't know how to assemble a gun or fire a tank. I wish I could relax by the beach instead of being face first in mud or hiding in bushes behind enemy lines. There's a lot of things I miss but one thing I miss the most..

The girls.

Yes, you might have guessed it I am only trying to make you laugh. Even from far away! I bet you miss me and my corny jokes. Who do you joke around with now? One of the girls at the office? I bet they're not as funny as me. Or are they.. Are they?

Anyways, back to the point. I miss a lot of things. Including you I might add. Steve is lucky. He has a girl back home and while I might be able to consider you my girl. You're not my girl you're just my girl. Girl adjacent. Like my girl friend not my girlfriend. Am I making sense?

Steve said I'm not. He's reading this and I'm telling him to go away but he won't listen. He's hovering because I am, again, late with writing my letter. He wants to seal up the envelope without my letter in it which is very rude and I told him so and now he's not going to do it because I wrote this all in my letter. I got him there Willow.

I am terribly sorry to hear about Sally's fiancé. Loosing someone close to you like that is crippling. Which is why I'm glad the Howling Commandoes is intact. I don't know what will happen if one of us is killed in action.. I hate to think about it. Dying.

Sometimes I talk to Steve about it and he listens to my fears, my sentiments but he's adamant that we're not going to die here, miles from home on some battlefield. He says we're going to live long happy lives, the three of us. I can't wait for that day but... I'm still scared Willow.

Steve keeps saying he's going to bring us home. Like he can personally punch death in the face if he wanted to and maybe he can. He almost has a god complex.. Not a lot and not really. Maybe I'm exaggerating but he acts sometimes like we can't die. We can't die because we have to go home to you. And maybe we won't die but there's always the chance we might. I hope you're prepared for that.

But now this letter has gotten too sad and I need to lighten the mood.

Why did the Nazi cross the road?
To take over Europeans countries!

Not good right? Not my best but it's all I could come up with in a short time. We're shipping off and Steve is threatening to seal the letter. I miss you Willow! Everyday. I can't believe it's been a year since I saw you last.

Love,
Bucky Barnes