to live and let go › all time low fanfic

chapter x | find a way to breathe

ELIZABETH'S POV

I threw on jeans and a crew neck with a cool design on it. I slipped on my black converse and went downstairs, happily going to the kitchen.

"Hey Jacky." I smiled at him as he grabbed a bottle of water out of his fridge.

"Hey." he mumbled.

"What's wrong?" I pouted.

"It's not important." he smiled fakely and tried to walk past me but I blocked him.

"Tell me what's wrong."

He sighed, "What are you and Josh?"

His question kind of shocked me a little. I thought it'd be funny bringing Josh back and surprising them but I didn't think he'd get upset.

"Friends, I guess." I shrugged.

"I don't want you too get hurt. He's in a band, and I know how we are, you wouldn't see him, and you'll get hurt." he said in a concerned voice.

I giggled a little and hugged him. "Jacky, I'll be okay. Plus he's super sweet, I don't think he'd hurt me. I mean we spent three hours talking when I woke up this morning. He didn't kick me out, I'd say that's good." I said when I pulled away.

"I guess so. And he did come over." he said. It sounded like he was trying to convince himself.

"Exactly, he's sweet." I smiled.

"Someone likes Josh." he poked my side and I blushed a little.

"Shut up, let's go." I walked over and got Josh and Alex and we all piled in Jack's car. I sat in the back with Josh and he held my hand rubbing his thumbs over my knuckles as we all chatted.

"Are you excited to see Jack's parents again?" Josh asked, his sweet accent. 

"I am!" Alex said cheerfully. 

"Of course you are Lex, you have a thing for my dad." Jack joked.

"Oh so Alex likes them old?" Josh joked. All of them laughed and I managed to spit out a little laugh.

Alex and Jack soon started arguing about a radio station and Josh pulled me closer to him, "You've got this." he smiled. His smile made me feel better.

"Hey I have a question." he mumbled quietly. I glanced up, "What's that?"

"When I get off tour, would you like to go on a proper date maybe?" he asked sweetly, still rubbing his thumb across my knuckles.

"I'd love too." I smiled, feeling my cheeks blush a little. This man, wanted to take me on a proper date.

The drive was about 30 minutes and I felt my stomach turn when we pulled into the familiar driveway. The last time I had been here was so long ago. 

I could help but look over at the white house that use to have red shutters but they were now painted a dark green color. I saw two little kids out front bringing me a flash back.

"Jacky, let's go play in the sand box!" I called as I pulled my best friend out into front yard. We must have been 6.

My mom walked over to us and smiled, "I was just planting flowers. You two be safe, I'm going to go inside real quick and wash off." she smiled and walked inside.

At the time I didn't think anything of her always running off. I didn't see the sadness in her eyes that I now could remember.

Jack and I played in the sandbox out front and it ended up both of us with sand in our hair and pants and looking like fools. At the time it didn't matter though. "You two are such a mess." my mothers voice said as she stood over the sandbox.

I giggled and pointed at Jack, "It was his fault." 

"Mhm, sure." she smiled. "Jack you can wash off here after Liz does and stay for dinner if you'd like?" she asked him.

"Yes please!" he said happily as we went inside. I remember that dinner, it was great. We all sat around and just ate happily. It was one of the best days ever yet it was such a small thing. I don't know why I loved it.

"We're here Liz. Come on." Jack's voice broke me out of my trance and I met his happy smile.

"Sorry, in my own world." I mumbled. Josh squeezed my hand and shot me a, 'You can do this' look. He knew I was nervous about this, he didn't know why because I hadn't told him, but he did know I was upset about having to come here.

We walked up to the front door and Alex and Jack strolled in gingerly as Josh and I awkwardly followed behind them.

"Mom, I'm here." Jack yelled, "And I have a surprise." he pulled me over to him, causing me to let go of Josh's hand. The safeness loosing hold as I began feeling vulnerable.

"Oh Jack, it's so nice to see you." Joyce walked out of the hall and froze when she saw me.

"Elizabeth?" she whispered.

"Yeah, mom, it's Elizabeth." he smiled.

She immediately grabbed me into a tight hug, "I honestly thought I'd never see you again, you're so beautiful. Oh, honey, I missed you." she said through a few tears.

"I missed you too, Joyce." I whispered, feeling a few tears well up.

She pulled away, "Oh dear. You've grown so much. You're still beautiful. I'll make some tea and then we'll all catch up." she said cheerfully.

I nodded my head and heard footsteps coming downstairs. "Joyce, what are you on about down here?" I heard Jack's dad, Bassam say.

I smiled at his voice, feeling more tears. "Elizabeth? Is that, Jack, is that Elizabeth?" he asked in shock.

I nodded my head and he grabbed me and hugged me. "I haven't seen you in ages." he said into the hug.

"I know, it's been forever." I whispered. He pulled away and smiled at me, "You're beautiful, you always were." he smiled.

"Thanks." I smiled in return.

Joyce moved as all into the living room and I sat with Jack on the love seat just like we were little kids again, as Josh and Alex took two chairs. Joyce and Bassam sat on the couch smiling at me.

"So, how did you find each other?" she smiled.

I let Jack tell the story as for some reason my voice was weak. When he finished the story they smiled happily, "I'm so glad you two found each other. It's like you were meant to be best friends." Joyce smiled.

"Hey, I'm still his best friend too!" Alex pouted.

"Of course you are." Joyce chuckled at Alex. 

Josh and I had barely uttered a word since we stepped in the house but I knew the question was coming soon, I could just tell.

"So how have you been dear, since your mothers,..." she paused, "death." 

That was one way to put it. If you wanted to sugar coat it. Most people did. It's like they were afraid to say the word.

I smiled, clearly fake, "Good. I've grieved, but I'm okay now." I lied through my teeth. I think all three of the guys noticed I was though.

ALEX'S POV

I watched her smile and lie about being okay. It was so obvious she wasn't. I think the other guys noticed too.

"People started getting help after that, not saying what happened was good, but it did open a lot of peoples eyes that suicide does happen." Bassam said. 

My breathe caught in my throat. Her mother commit suicide?

A/N: Hows your emotions